First baby pictures...

This is from our 29 week scan a few weeks ago.  I was staring at this handsome little face yesterday morning at work.  Amazing to see the difference in the definition of his profile, even from the 20 week scan.  We're getting another sneak peek at week 34.  He's going to have F's nose.

Amazing 

Last weekend, S had a teddy bear's picnic birthday party.  It was a very happy morning and F has talked about it all week.  I even heard her having a conversation with a tiny teddy bear she found (we cleaned her room this week and found new toys!)  The teddy bear wanted to go to the teddy bear's picnic and F was telling him regretfully that all the teddies have gone home to bed..

In other F-news, we have discovered hair baubles (pony-tail holders) and I am loving having a little girl actually *asking* to have her hair put up.  As previous pictures over the last 3 years attest, even just to get her to brush her hair has been a mammoth struggle and all hair acoutrements seen as foreign objects to be snatched out at the earliest opportunity.  Another stage emerges...we have a little girly girl.  :-)

29 April 2015

Dear SPD,

You have been my growing companion for 5 months and you are still scheduled to stay for another 2 months until the end of June.  I remember when you came to visit during my pregnancy with F, and I was so happy to wish you on your way after her birth.  While I can appreciate the fortitude you are teaching me, I am also tired of your constant complaints and restrictions.  You feel like glass in my joints when I walk and a constant heavy ache when I'm trying to lay down and sleep.  You give knife stabs up the right hand side of my back.  You've actually made me cry.  You make leaning down even just to get dressed almost impossible.  I breathe out pain when I get in and out of the car.  I am sad when I cannot sit on the floor to play with my daughter, even when she says 'pleassssee Mommy?'  I am frustrated when I cannot move normal things around the house -laundry baskets, the vacuum cleaner, the recycling, my rolling briefcase.  You exhaust me from constant pain as well as just normal pregnancy.

My husband is willing to help.  He is a hardworking guy and I feel bad that he is having to take on the role of 'carer' as well as all of his other roles.  SPD, you're not a welcome visitor.

I spent time last night reading about you, because I'm trying to decide between a voluntary c-section (if that's an option) and 'normal' labor.  Some people have hurt their pelvises in the latter and SPD, I do not want to you move in permanently, especially when I have a newborn and a 3 year old to look after.  However, a c-section is abdominal surgery that carries more risks than 'natural' birth, has it's own after-effects, may make establishing breastfeeding harder, may make any future pregnancies harder...of course, natural birth is preferable.  On the other hand, there is no guarantee a natural birth would go to plan anyway, and worse case scenario, I could be faced with an exhausting ordeal, stitches, pelvic injury and an emergency c-section anyway in spite of it all.  So I'd be looking at caring for my family exhausted, stitched up, and dealing with pelvic injury.

SPD, you are complicating this choice considerably.  You are stressing me out.

I am a strong and capable woman and I'm not afraid of your pain though I resent the way you impose yourself on my work and my family life.  I remind myself to stay calm as I slow down to your crawling pace.  I know this is not me.  I know this is not even the pregnancy.  This is just your ugly reality, SPD.  You may have my body right now - but I'm not buying the lies you're telling me about myself.  This is temporary - you will die at the end of this ordeal.

And I will be able to walk with my own swing and rhythm, and go up and down the stairs and tidy the house quickly, and carry kids/laundry/suitcases/briefcases anywhere, and roll over in bed without waking up in pain, and run with F at the park, and take very very long walks on the weekend with S and F, and stand on one leg just for the heck of it, and wear high heeled shoes, and even jump on the bed if I feel like it.

So there, SPD.  Enjoy your visit, but get ready to pack your bags.

21 April 2015 again

Saturday in the Botanics.  Good thing my camera has a quick focus!

21 April 2015

The Tuesday I've been dreading...

I have no reason to complain because the holidays here are ridiculously generous, but I confess to an irrational fear every time I go back to work.  I cannot believe how fast the Easter holidays flew past and that today was actually the day I have been dreading since *before* the holidays started.  And it was today.

I was especially nervous about today after this weekend where I was very sore, tired and out of it.  I was in bed most of Sunday.  I walked about half an hour on Saturday in the Botanics and was completely exhausted after that.  I've been thinking - oh no, if this is how I'm not-managing when I'm not at work, what's it going to be like when I am back at work?

Yesterday I was also worried because I hadn't been feeling the baby moving as much as I'm used to.  I noticed the difference on Sunday evening and was vaguely worried through Monday.  There's a lot of literature I've been given about taking note of the baby's movements and to get in touch with the professionals if the movement stops or slows down over a course of a couple of days.  So, yesterday afternoon when I still wasn't feeling much, I called up the midwives, who told me to call the Royal, who sent me to triage/day assessment (the equivalent of the ante-natal ER.)  Fortunately my friend M was off work and was able to chum me to help look after F in the waiting room.  After about 45 min I found myself once again strapped up to an ante-natal heart monitor.  The doctor came to talk to me about the weird crampy tummy pain I'd been having.  They also did a quick scan to check the fluid around the baby.  Wow - not really the way I'd anticipated spending my last day of vacation!  But Simon caught the bus to the hospital after work, found me in the ward and drove us all home after. Everything seems normal with the baby - heart rate completely fine - I found myself relaxing just listening to the lovely sound of a good, steady heartbeat.  They monitored a whole sleep/waking cycle for him on the heart monitor until the movements became nice and obvious again.

So after yesterday, I've been especially dreading today.

Yet, it's actually been a really good day at work - especially for a Tuesday.  Got to work in plenty of time, felt confident and felt like I got a lot of good work done with the teaching.  I actually really love my job.  Sun was shining brightly all day -- the change of the weather from the autumn to the spring is really remarkable.  It is *amazing* how much more awake I feel in the spring and summer months after work, just seeing the sunshine!

I was feeling so good after work and it was so nice outside, I considered taking F down to Portobello beach for a little walk after I picked her up.  Ironically, as she'd been outdoors playing most of the day at nursery (I noticed with satisfaction that they'd slathered her up with sunscreen!) she was too tired to go and begged to just watch Winnie the Pooh in 'her little nest.'  (The single air-mattress we have in the corner of our room made up as a bed for her to sleep in when she's scared at night.)

She has *really* connected with Winnie the Pooh these days.  They've put the original Disney cartoon (from 1977) on Netflix - it's the same one I remember growing up watching.  It's nice to have something like that which I feel safe leaving her to watch- there's nothing particularly scary in it and nothing objectionable.  She's such a sponge.  I've been asking her to tell me what happens to Pooh bear and it's sweet the things she remembers.  'Pooh got stuck in Rabbit's hole!'  'Rabbit got lost in the woods!'  And she's been singing the Winnie the Pooh song and asking me to sing the 'Deep in the 100 arce wood, where Christopher Robin plays.....' part.  I've been catching her acting out some of the stories/characters with her toys.  It's cute.  We're trying to limit TV watching to just once a day though!

So, I'm thankful for today.  *deep breath*  I keep praying that I'll live out of a Spirit of power, love and self-control and not a spirit of fear.  And then I'm given strength which shows me I don't need to let fear control me.  And I feel a bit silly for worrying about days like today before they even happen.  So, very thankful.

17 April 2015

I'm on a roll.  *Another* blog post!

Felicity and I stayed home today - last full week of the Easter holidays.  I've been so grateful for the rest and the chance to really spend time with my sweet girl.  I'm looking forward to the baby coming (and *not being pregnant* anymore!) but honestly, F is so much fun right now - I'm trying to soak in as much of her as I can while my attention is not necessarily divided!

She came and found me doing laundry this morning, calmly took my hand and led me into the livingroom where she was laying out her lego zoo animals on a dishtowel around all the pretend food (and some real daffodil leaves she brought in from the garden yesterday.) The animals were having a 'birthday party.'  And for the next half and hour at least, I 'helped' her (mostly observed her) making sure everyone got enough 'sfood.'  And then I grabbed my camera and tried to catch some of the cutest things on camera - very difficult to do as she is totally unscripted!  She'll spend 5 minutes silently concentrated on putting a ribbon or 'coat' or 'flap' on a creature, and I'll give up videoing - then as soon as the camera is off, she'll bust out some hilarious toddler turn of phrase - and it's gone forever!  This morning the gem I missed was: ''She's a Let It Go pony.  She likes Let It Go.  *Everyone* likes Let It Go.''  (who says mass marketing doesn't work??  She's never even seen the movie all the way through, I think!)

F actually asked to go down for a rest today at 11:30am - wow.  I didn't argue, but went to my own bed as soon as she was settled down in hers.  We both slept until about 1:00pm!  Soo grateful for a rest - that doesn't happen very often!

Long skype call to L.P.!  yey!

Our friends G and S came over this afternoon and the girls played so sweetly together for about 2 hours - protesting hotly when it was time to go!  They ran into the kitchen at one point, saying 'There's a giant in the living room!!'  G asked if he was a nice giant, and I gave them each a cookie to give 'to the giant.'  They agreed giving cookies 'to the giant' was a good idea...  When it was time for S to go home, I found the girls sitting in front of F's dollhouse, tucking all the toys into the house because 'it was raining and dark outside!'  This was as clear blue sky and sunshine stretched through F's open curtains.  The sunshine was even warming up the carpet where it fell in cozy bright patches.

F's bedtime routine has gotten a lot more stable.  I'm finding I don't have to constantly sit with her until she falls asleep anymore.  We read stories (3,2,or 1 depending on how late it is and how fast she gets into her bath/PJs/bed), she has medicine and milk, she has her prayers and her 'questions'/memory verses (which she loves!!  she is always asking for new ones - I'm going to have to stay one step ahead of this spongy brain!)  Sometimes we put lavender on her toes and/or spray her tongue with the rescue remedy night spritz.  She has quiet music that gets switched on and repeated at night.  The lights get dimmed/switched off.  (I mean, we've tried *everything* to get her to stay asleep....)  She's happy to have a cuddle, and then I leave the room, telling her I'll be back to check on her later.  Most of the time when I check on her again she's already fast asleep.  Sometimes, she's just on the edge and she looks up at me like it's a miracle and sweetly says 'You came back!' Then I give her a hug and leave the room again.

She is 'individuating.'  She challenges my authority.  She has selective hearing (especially when I'm in a hurry, I feel!)  She is so smart.  She's got a great imagination.  I pray for wisdom and patience and more wisdom.  She's a bottomless pit for cuddles and attention and affection.  She's still got a lot of baby in her.  It'd probably be worth typing '-thank goodness!' after each one of those statements (except the selective hearing - I'm not thankful for that yet!)

Oh well, so much for this snippet of this stage of our life.

In other news, I saw the new Star Wars teaser trailers tonight for the first time.  I think I'll put that on my list of movies to see.  I also want to see 'Into the Woods' and 'Cinderella' at some point when we get a chance.  The last movie we went to see (on our annual movie date night, it seems) was the last Hobbit film.  Unfortunately, probably as I had just read the book, I felt it was the weakest of the three movies - disappointing as it finishes out the entire LOTRs double-trilogy.  (Unless PJ decides to tackle the Simarilion, which would be kinda awesome, but also never-ending...)

I'm rambling.  It's late.  Time to study the inside of my eye-lids for a while.

Derbyshire 2015

April 4-10th

We spent the first week of the school holidays down in Derbyshire in the Peak District National Park.  The weather was fantastic and it was great to escape to the country for a few days.

Some highlights:

On the drive down we went around Manchester and Stockport, so we took a detour to Lyme Park (aka, Pemberly) and spent a couple of hours charging around before they closed!

Yey!

On the famous steps

Favorite thing: rolling in the grass!

Easter Sunday we visited Haddon Hall, near Bakewell.  Setting of many period dramas, and also the castle of Harfang (home to the 'gentle giants') in the BBC production of the Silver Chair.

The bridge railing was a bit low....

They'd decorated for Easter

The courtyard of the castle.  (This is where Jill, Eustace and Puddleglum stood watching the giant's hunting party leave, we think....)

The building itself hasn't been overly altered since Tutor times.  The carved wood paneling inside was impressive.

They gave Felicity the bunny ear headband as part of the Easter egg hunt they'd done in the house for visitors.

Here's where the Silver Chair folks found the cookbook, we think...

Beams throughout the kitchen 

Felicity kept making Simon more 'strawberry cake'

Simon got a snap of the kitchen in a rare lull - it was really busy!

Beautiful paneling and leaded glass windows.  Also think this is the window seat where they saw 'Under Me'

Fabulous original Tutor wood paneling in the dining room.  The cards in the room informed us that the Lord and Lady Manners still dine and entertain their guests regularly here.  

Felicity found a knot garden out back.  A little boy came along and Felicity was doing her best to chase the boy out of 'MY garden!!'  (She told me confidentially later that: 'Boys are naughty.  Girls are good!'  I laughed and Simon laughed indignantly!)  I wish I knew what the purple flowers on the wall where - fabulous color for this time of year.

We've won the ponytail struggle!  This week she's consistently asked for 'baubles' in her hair.  I think it's long enough to annoy her now - I've heard her telling-off the wind for blowing her hair in her face. lol

Love the swishy tutu!

Haddon Hall from its backyard. 

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She loved all this running around (I think she was still chasing the little boy at this time.)

Inner courtyard, but in the sunshine this time!

Simon took Felicity on a little walk further along the garden while I sat and chilled out.

Can you stand the cuteness??

Leaving Haddon Hall, looking back from the bridge.

 Monday, we went to Bolsover Castle, home of William Cavendish, a very wealthy, powerful noble who among other things, was crazy about horses.  He built a stables and riding school that was fancier than the castle itself!  And his treatise on horsemanship is still influential on modern day dressage techniques.

Over the Easter weekend, they had horses demonstrating some of the 'exercises' in the riding school with trainers dressed in period costume.  Unfortunately, not allowed to take pictures (health and safety.)

The castle was packed, so we left to go up the road to Hardwick Hall (also a seat of the 'Cavendish' family.)

All the pictures here are from Hardwick.

This is Hardwick Hall.  It's a National Trust property now.  The Duke and Duchess of Devonshire (descendants of Bess of Hardwick who built this palatial hall) gave it to the government in lieu of death taxes...unbelievable wealth (see: Chatsworth, later in the photos.)  If I remember correctly, before they had to donate it to the government, this was a small country lodge - kind of a back-water get-away as it were.....

As brilliant as the house is (and it is furnished to the gills with original old tapestries, carvings, furniture, etc), I just love the gardens.  They've restored a Tutor herb-garden (unfortunately too early in the year to see most things at full swing) and there are many little garden 'rooms' to explore.  

We laid out on the grass sketching for a good excuse for a rest!

Yey!

It was warn enough to go barefoot!

Felicity was helping me draw

And when we went inside, she decided it was appropriate to lay down on the floor with her legs in the air....

And to use my scarf as a cape (or 'Flap' as she likes to call it.)

Some of the gardens near the hall

Someone had built this fairy house in front of a hollow of a tree...

'Anyone home?'

Next day, riding the cable car 

The Heights of Abraham

Looking down to Matlock town

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Swiss style cable cars!

One of the main attractions at the top of the hill is a natural cavern they discovered while mining lead in the 1800s.  I took this picture of Simon and Felicity..... 

Then Simon took the camera and worked magic -- 

Same spot, same camera - different photographer!!

I only use the auto-functions!  Most of the time it works though - good subject material!

The first thing we did at Chatsworth was visit the animals

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The gardens were the best (again, I preferred them to Chatsworth house itself).  Felicity loved the lawn.

We spent hours looking around the different parts of the garden.  The weather was perfect.

I love this series of pictures.  Happy girl!

At the top of the rock garden

 Our last day - we did visit a cavern in the morning, but didn't get many photographs.  We just wanted somewhere we could go out and enjoy the gorgeous weather, so we went back to Lyme Park.

She pretended to be a 'chocodile' and she was snapping up the little white daisies in the grass for food.

Barefoot rules!

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Good times.