8 September 2014

Anxiety and Rest

Week 4 of the building work started today. The 3rd skip out front the house is full of boards and 8" thick foam boards of insulation. They have put a few more slates back on the roof. Jim says the walls will be going up this week. Gosh I'm so ready to have my house back! Feeling like I'm holding my breath until it's all finished.

I *ought* to be grateful for the excuse not to have to mop the kitchen floor (what's the point until it's all done?) But it's hard not to freak out at how chaotic it is. I should comfort myself by taking pictures so that I get some great before and after a.

Another anxiety is the referendum in just over a week on the 18th September.  It's the only thing on the radio and I will be so happy when it's over for better or for worse. I'm mostly worried about our mortgage payments and monthly household bills if Scotland becomes independent.  The Yes campaign seem to just brush over these concerns, shifting blame to Westminster or saying it'll be fine.

9 March 2016

I wish I was sleeping....

It's 2am and my body won't shut off.  I'm on my second ear-infection in 2 weeks.  Earlier tonight I was in so much pain, I couldn't do anything but lay in bed and groan.  I don't know if the cocktail of medicine I've taken has me all keyed up, or if it's the fact that for the first time ever, Titus has slept more than 6 hours on the trot.  So maybe I can't relax because my sub-conscious is saying, 'there's no point.  He'll wake up in another 5 minutes you know.....'

I've been all over the place today.  My GP didn't have any open appointments (even though I called only 15 minutes after the phone lines opened this morning) so I resigned myself to having to wait to see a doctor until tomorrow.  I haven't heard anything out of my left ear for over a week since that ear drum ruptured.  When I felt pressure rising and pain in my right ear today (symptoms of an infection for sure!) I was freaking out about my right ear drum rupturing.  My hearing was deteriorating hourly.  So I packed books, crackers, water, nursing cover-up, and the kids and headed up to the emergency room, prepared to wait a long time to see *someone.*  The wait was shorter than I expected, but the nurse practitioner wasn't happy to see me.  'Why aren't you at your GP?' was her first question.  She unhelpfully said, 'yeah, your left eardrum is completely gone......your right eardrum is bulging and it will either rupture, or it won't.'  And she shrugged.  And she said, 'Ear infections aren't what we handle here - go to your GP or call NHS 24 and get an appointment to see a GP.'  

SO - I was imagining permanent hearing loss and having to take early retirement because of deafness and *heavens only knows* how to take care of the kids if I can't hear!

And I went to my GP surgery (had to fill out a form to request repeat prescriptions for Felicity anyway) and told the receptionist how very concerned I was.  20 minutes later, the deputy doctor called me and when I told her what was happening, she gave me an emergency appointment for 30 minutes later.  And 5 minutes into the appointment, she reassured me that my left eardrum was healing (can take up to 2-3 weeks for hearing to come back) and gave me prescription for antibiotics so that hopefully my right eardrum doesn't burst too.

MAN!

I go back to my job (teaching music - hearing is kinda important there!) in a week and a half.

Kinda freaking out about leaving Titus during the day.  Experimenting with giving him more solid food and water during the day so hopefully he can last without nursing on the days that I'm away from him.  Fortunately, he loves his food.

Loving spending time with Felicity and him.  Even though I was kinda freaking this afternoon, we had a really good morning together.  We went and bought Felicity some thick tights and socks (for her Thursday PM 'forrest school' at the gaelic nursery - dressing in lots and lots of layers for warmth!) and also found some sweet little white patents for her to wear with her Easter dress (£4 - can't argue with that.)  

And we visited a pet shop I haven't been to in a very long time.  It was excellent!  Felicity got to stroke a chinchilla (!) and someone who had brought their dog in to be groomed also let Felicity give their dog a pat.  They had snakes and bearded dragons - but Felicity was just as interested in the live crickets....(didn't tell her they were meant to be food!!)

Felicity has expressed some hesitation about going to the gaelic nursery.  I think it's the busy-ness that overwhelms her.  Simon and I have talked it over.  We both still think it's the best option logistically for us right now.  We definately want her to keep telling us how she feels though.  I've changed vocabulary - it's the gaelic 'playtime' - because it's different from the cozy nursery she's been used to at L.A.  And I've told her that each time I pick her up, she can give me 'a report.'  (She knows her teachers at explorers and Grace Kids give me reports on her behaviour.... and we give reports to Daddy too...)  We're trying out the thumbs up, thumbs down and thumbs in the middle technique.  And it seemed to help on Tuesday.  Tomorrow will be another test of it - hopefully my ear is behaving itself.

2:26am.  I really wish I was sleeping.

21 February 2016

Family Saturday....

The museum was heaving with children because they had special activities on during the February break.  There's a lego exhibition on right now.  I wonder whose job it was to build this guy?  He was taller than me. :-)

Titus has graduated to his forward facing car seat.  He loved it.  Felicity loved seeing him and playing with him in the backseat too.

And I loved being able to look back over my shoulder and seeing this cuddly guy.  *melts*

I'm figuring out how to use my icloud stuff from my iphone.  More pictures coming as I learn.... :-)

19 February 2016

Friday again...

The weeks are just blowing by!  Felicity didn't have nursery at all this week because of the school holidays.  I was nervous about having a *whole week* in front of me last Sunday, but the days have just flown.

This morning after dropping Simon off at work, I went over to Cameron Toll shopping centre, thinking that we'd pick up a couple of minor groceries, walk up and down the mall (out of the cold and rain outside) and we'd go to a cafe (one of Felicity's favorite things to do.)  We did all of those things and as a bonus, I'd forgotten there's also the shop there that sells the shampoo I buy (we'd been running low) and Sainsbury's grocery store has a 25% off all their clothing sale on this weekend.  (Woohoo!)

I bought Felicity her Easter dress (bright yellow shift dress with beautiful overlaid crochet-lace-type-material) and some cute t-shirts I'd been looking at for a couple of weeks (but wouldn't buy full price), some more leggings (the child is completely grown out of 4-5 clothing and is wearing size 6 stuff now), and a green sweater (which she actually requested to wear out of the house this afternoon - for the win!)

Titus got a couple of long sleeved t-shirts and some baby blue-jeans.  He looks so cute in everything.  I also found a cute little sky-blue t-shirt with dinosaurs all over it.

Simon got t-shirts too.

I found a cute, tailored striped office skirt in the clearance aisle which I practically stole for less than the price of a latte.  They also had the turtleneck sweater I'd been eyeing for a while from their winter line in my size (Only £4.50 when I got to the tills - sweet!)  and I actually bought a bathing suit too.  Bright cheerful blue with white polka dots with a skirt built into it.  Reminded me of my favorite swing-dancing dress from highschool.  And you can't really argue with £12 for a swimsuit you actually feel good in!  (LOL - when I tried it on in the dressing room, I asked Felicity if she thought it was pretty and Felicity said, 'Mommy you should wear that in the store!!'  I tried to explain to her why that would be inappropriate - 'it's a bathing suit...'  and she said, 'why not?'  lol  talk about your confidence booster!)

I like taking the kids to their cafe there at Sainsbury's too because the people there are nice, they give you enough food on one plate to share around with kids, it's usually quiet, and they have an *awesome* family bathroom/changing room that's never been busy when we got there.  What makes it awesome is that it's the size of a regular bathroom, but there's only one toilet stall in it.  The rest of the room has a changing table and a sink and a chair.  You can wheel your buggy in, lock the front door, let the toddler wee while you change the baby, then keep an eye on your toddler and baby from the open bathroom stall while *you* wee without worrying about getting walked in on.  And there's enough space around you so you're not worried about the toddler putting her hands on all the germy walls, etc., etc.

Felicity is so much fun to take to restaurants.  She's getting so good at following instructions and helping out.  She never runs off from the table anymore.  Today we were being silly listening to all the pop songs ('Hello....') playing over the radio while we waited for our food.  I also taught her how to set the silverware on the table and fold the napkin under the knife while we waited.  (We're trying to encourage her to help set the table for dinner at home these days.)  She loves having toast at cafes.  We ordered the full breakfast with lots of toast, some scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, hashbrown, baked beans and a grilled tomato.  Titus also helped with a bit of sausage and toast.  (I always used to think baked beans were a weird thing to put on a breakfast plate - they're actually pretty good, especially with toast and scrambled eggs.  I still don't like grilled tomatos though and neither did Felicity today.)

The kids and I spent the rest of the day at home - trying to keep chores rolling over mostly.  I was able to do a bit more piano practice.  I also put my Bluebonnet poster in the (free) IKEA frame - it looks good.  Titus was much more himself today - happy as larry bouncing in his walker and door-jumper-thing.  I'm hoping the cold is really on the way out - though poor guy, he's got about 3 more teeth visibly drilling their way through his little gums.

While he's settling better into his bed to sleep, his sleep pattern at night is still really up and down.  Another challenge I've got to confront (before I go back to work) is getting him settled so that he'll consistently take a feed from a bottle.  I bought some bottle/tippy cup hybrid things at the pound shop this morning and I'll be experimenting with them this weekend.  I think the cup is the way to go actually, except he likes the spout on a tippy cup to be soft.

I've started watching a show on Netflix called 'How I met your Mother,'  It's from like 2005 (I never watch TV) and it's not something I would watch with Felicity, but it has a fun 'Friends'-type vibe.  And Jason Segal is fun to watch in it - I can't *not* see him as the guy in the Muppet movie - he's got such a great self-depreciating humour.

Well, that's about it.  Happy Friday, all.

17 February 2016

Every day school for the 3 year old.

I started reading 'A Well-Trained Mind' a couple of days ago and was so excited about several quick suggestions it had for kids around Felicity's age.  And just suggestions of what was *possible* to teach her - based on the way her developing brain is programmed right now.  Today, I decided we'd do some informal schooling after we dropped off Simon from work.  

Felicity knows the ABC song and how to count, but she doesn't consistently read the numerals and letters.  So, I thought some pre-reading exercizes and numeracy games would be fun.  We have a nice puzzle set of numbers 1-10 that are only 2 pieces each.  (with a number on one piece and a picture of animals of however many numbers on the other side.)  It's technically for babies, but putting the puzzle together is just the first step of our play.  She has to recognize the numeral for each puzzle, and then we put them in order.  I was surprised that she organized them in numeral order on her own initiative this morning.

Then, we put the finished puzzles in stepping-stone pattern, in order, on the floor and walked across the 'bridge', saying each number as she stepped on it.

Then, we mixed them up all over the floor and she had to jump to the different numbers.

Then, we took turns - 'OK, put your knees on 7!  Where's 7? You got it - Yey!'  'Mommy, put your hand on 3 - yey!'  'OK, put your nose on 9!'  OK - your turn!

Then I got a bean-bag, and we threw the bean bag at the different numbers we chose for eachother.  Oh, it was great and she kept saying, 'OK!  Give me aNa-no one!'

Then we played her 'Dinosaur Races' game after she put the numbers puzzles back in their box.  I had her set up the game board herself while I hastily tidied the kitchen, swept the floor, and fed Titus finger food.

Dinosaur Races has a lot of turn-taking, counting and moving the board pieces around.  SO good for her concentration and again, counting.

After she put away dinosaur races, I found a list of numbers for her to trace in her dry-erase book.  We spent a good bit of time practicing drawing the numbers ('Start at the top - no, the top, try again - that's the top!  Oh now, try again, start at the top!')  and when she wasn't secure to just copy the numbers by herself, I made her dot-to-dot numbers across the page for her to trace (thank you, Well Trained Mind suggestion! Dot to dot for handwriting skills for the win!)

Titus got really upset, so we had to stop there for a while.  But I turned the page back to the ABCs before I went to feed Mr, T, and she was happily tracing letters when I left her.

She found me in the rocking chair and brought me a brilliant book (even though I had to put down my book to look at it with her.)  It's this book where they give you a cartoon picture across every spread with a number of animals or things to find on every page.  We found the picture with mice, butterflies, bees, snails, starlings and other garden-y creatures on it first.  Numeracy for the win!  'How many snails do you have to find?  What's that number?'  '10!'  'OKay, let's find them.....'

And the neat thing about this book is they are based all over the world - there was the Outback and the Artic and the farmyard, etc, etc.  Which led us to a little discussion about dingos and emus in Australia.  (Geography! Natural sciences!)

Then, Felicity chummed me downstairs when Titus was napping in his bed.  We made pancakes for lunch.  She was busy doodling in her dry-erase book when I got started, but then noticed me flipping the pancakes and pushed her chair over to stand next to me and help.  She turned on the light from the vent hood herself.  She watched me flip the pancakes.  Then, I had her put her hand on top of mine as I flipped them.  Then, I let her flip one *all by herself*.  She even put the batter in the pan a couple of times by herself.  Granted, some of them got a little burnt.  And I took over a couple of times.  But she was practically singing, 'This is sooo much fun!'  and we had a little talk about how the tops of the pancakes get all bubbly from the hot air escaping when they are cooked (Ha! Chemistry for 3 year olds!)  And she was *motivated* to eat those pancakes baby!  Normally, I have to beg her to eat anything for lunch.  She helped me set the table, gobbled up her food, and then she helped me clear the table and put the dishes into the waiting dishwasher.  Life skills, baby.  She won't starve at college if she knows how to make pancakes.

Titus woke up almost immediately after, but that was OK because we gave him a pancake to eat too.  Then, I needed a little time to do some other cleaning (ha! finally vaccummed the stairs and took out the recycling!) so I set the kiddos in the livingroom in front of a few wind-down cartoons.

Then, we went out to run errands.  Felicity was dressed in her favorite Frozen princess dress over her blue jeans and boots.  Amongst other errands, we ended up over at the library, sitting and reading for at least another hour.  The librarians were greeting her as 'Princess Elsa' (I'm surprised Felicity didn't correct them and say, 'it's Queen Elsa, actually' but she was acting a bit shy.)

Titus' cold is getting much much better today as well.  He slept well during the day and woke up rosy cheeked.  Still a wee bit less enthusiastic about his solid foods, but I didn't have much of an appetite last week either.  I only gave him pain-killers tonight at bedtime and that was more of a preventative action than because he was really asking for it.  He's such a cutie.  When he's happy, he'll shake his head side-to-side and coo 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHH'.  It's like he likes the world when it's going a little visually-crazy.  and he's been starting to put his hands on either side of our faces and give us big wet open-mouthed kisses.  Felicity loves to kiss him - she'll make a totally obvious pucker-up and start humming 'MMMMmmmmmm' about an inch away from his face and wait for him to close the gap with his little face.  I need to video this phenomenon -so cute. 

We didn't get to the new song I was going to teach Felicity today, but we did listen to 'Ride Away on your Horses' CD and practice the order of the days of the week while riding in the car.

Learning.  It's what's happening.  Every. Day.  Gosh, I love this job.

16 February 2016

inFLUenza....


Is what happened to us last week.  Simon and I are much better now - Titus still turning that old corner.

Felicity has only had a cough - I think it's because she had a flu shot in the autumn.

I am getting a flu shot this coming year - no matter what.  This was the worst.



Right.  Short post.  Lots on my mind.  Still not much sleep.



Read Robin Hobb Farseer books - I started the Liveship Triology this week and it's been getting me through the late-night nursing sessions with Mr. Boy.


Time for his paracetamol and milk.

4 February 2016

Felicity-isms

'Mommy, you should say thank you to me for the idea to buy chocolate buttons.'

'Thank you Felicity for thinking of getting chocolate buttons!  That was a great idea!'

'Felicity, you should thank me for buying chocolate buttons.'

'Thank you Mommy for buying me chocolate buttons!'

(me:) 'Thank you God for this beautiful day and for yummy chocolate buttons!'

(Felicity:)  'Thank you God for making me and taking care of me and for yummy chocolate buttons!'  (Felicity chuckling)  'I think God is laughing about that!'

_____________________________________________________________

Me:  Now, you know at nursery Mommy will always come and pick you up, right?

F: Yes.

Me:  And you know if you need the potty, you need to listen to your body and go as soon as you need to.  And you can close the doors with the butterflies on them.  And you wash your hands afterwards.

F: Yes.

Me: And if you need help, you know who you need to ask?

F: Yes

Me:  Who?

F:  I ask the Gaelic people.


(LOL!  As if they're another race of green aliens or something!)

______________________________________________________________

Felicity sings to Titus when he gets upset in the car.  It's usually a sing-song of her own invention with words as they pop into her head, sometimes dependent on the things we're passing by in the car.  He loves this and it usually calms him.  After he's asleep, she usually says something like, 'Mommy, I singed to Titus and now he is asleep.  I singed him asleep.'

______________________________________________________________

She wandered in while I was getting dressed.  I couldn't help but laugh loud when she said,

'Mommy!  Your knickers ('underwear' for those not sure of British lingo) are HUGE!  You have HUGE knickers!'

Oh, I laughed so hard.  Then I said,

'Yes.  My knickers *are* huge.  Maybe someday if you're lucky, you'll have huge knickers too.  But only if you are very lucky.'

(No body shaming over here.)
________________________________________________________________________

Her favorite thing to do still is to cut animals out of paper and play with them like paperdolls.  She was talking to a family of bunny rabbits as she snipped away the other day and I overheard..

'and see the mommy bunny?  and see this *llllllittle* baby bunny.......(and as she cut him out of the paper background....) and now you are being BORNed!

___________________________________________________________________________

4 February 2016

Sleep reality

I went to my chiropractor yesterday and the first thing she said to me was -'You look exhausted!' and I laughed outloud and said, 'well yes, you could say that. But......I'm happy!'

I have the best kids in the world.  They make me laugh every day.  I am a bit worried about returning to work on the little sleep I am getting right now.  Titus has picked up some really bad sleep habits and I am mentally bracing myself for the battle of wills that has to be won before it gets better.

Last night - fed Mr T a bowl of baby cereal, saw he was getting sleepy so PJ-ed him and gave him a good feed at 7pm.  He dropped off like a textbook baby. I even laid him in his own bed and he didn't wake. I was amazed. I went down and ate dinner with Simon like a normal person for once!

But then-

7:45 - Titus wide awake. He watched us put Felicity to bed
9pm - Titus still awake and starts fussing - 'you can't be hungry' I say, determined to break the 2 hour cycle.  He cries.
10pm- after crying for almost a solid hour, I give in and feed him. At least it's been 3 hours and not 2 hours between feeds?

And so it progressed -

1am - fussing for a feed
3am - fussing for a feed (and after I settle Titus I have to go through to change Felicity's sheets and settle her. While I'm up anyway, I go downstairs to start the next load of laundry, load the dishwasher and sweep the kitchen floor- ie., evening chores I hadn't been able to do while acting like a human pacifier...). I thought about blogging then too because it was so nice and quiet (I should do more chores in the middle of the night...) but I heard Titus start fussing again upstairs so.....
5am - feeding
7am - feeding.

And this has been the typical night for this boy for the last 2weeks. Honestly- how am I still standing?

I told the health visitor this morning about Felicity's sleep difficulties and how I am anxious about getting Titus to sleep.  I've never had a baby sleep through the night - ever.  I am a great mom during the day but at night it feels like we're in the trenches just doing anything to get by.  I have a lot of insecurity about it because I feel like I've read everything about sleep when we were trying to get Felicity to sleep. I don't need advice from people whose kids just sleep after a certain age.  And it really bugs  me when people complain about tiredness (or worse, blame any rude behaviour on 'oh I'm just so tired') after one night of bad sleep. Get over yourself - you're only complaining because you still *expect* to have good nights of sleep.  After 4 years of broken sleep, you stop having any such expectations that just lead to continued disappointment.  Any night when I get 3 hours of consecutive sleep is a good night for me.

I don't hold out much hope for solutions, but here is what I'm going to try to do -

1) keep a sleep diary for Titus
2) up his solids during the day
3) give him water in a cup
4) try to get him into the habit of falling asleep in his own bed - without feeding him every time

*sigh*

We're going to persevere for the next 6 weeks and stick to it.  I don't expect any sleep the next few nights as we adjust.  Simon has blown up the air-mattress for me in the kiddo's room in case I need to sleep in there for the next few days while Titus adjusts to sleep in the cot bed.  If we can just get him falling asleep in his own bed, I know that will go a long way to fixing my fears.

__________________________________________________________


After I wrote this, my sister sent me this:

http://sarahbessey.com/the-nightwatch/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+EmergingMummy+%28Sarah+Bessey%29

And I started crying reading it, because it summarizes soooo well all the mixed feelings you have with repeatedly getting up over and over each night for your kids that you love sooooo much.


And tonight there was a baby prayer night for my friend R__________.  And it was beautiful.  I got goosebumps during some of the prayers and was crying all over myself (managed to hide most of my sniffles during a person who was conveniently coughing at regular intervals - next time there is one of these things I am taking a handkerchief!)  So I felt very encouraged tonight.

And what do you know?  When I got home, both kids were asleep!  Simon is amazing.  He had to settle Titus in our bed (so that Felicity could go to sleep) but he managed to just pat his son back to sleep.

So I have done some tidying and laundry (and even played a little piano and written a bit of this blog post!)

Now I am going to go up and dream-feed Titus and move him to his own bed - wish me luck.

(And I promise, I'll stop blogging about sleep one day.....)

2 February 2016

A friend of mine uses slang regularly.  I assume it's to put other people at ease and also to belie just how intelligent he actually is.  I often sense it's a defense mechanism.  But he kept referring to another guy's girlfriend as 'Tom's bird.'  And in a group setting.  I probably came down too strong when I employed direct address to say, ''_________.  Don't call women birds.  It's disrespectful.''  I knew he was just joking, but it's been going on for a few weeks and it bugged me.  Probably should have let that one go, as his poor choice of words reflects more on him.  But he's not a fool, and I don't think he should choose to talk like one.  (And as an aspiring minister, he could get into a lot of trouble if he used poor word choices like this in the wrong company.)

Argh.  And now *I* feel vulnerable about it and foolish for saying anything.  It's so hard to choose to let your 'true colors' out.

I mean, it'd be okay if your true colors were always pretty pinks and sparkles and unicorns (I guess?)  or if you always knew what color to roll out in front of each person who's *expecting* a certain color.  (And I somehow, instinctively, often seem to just know what 'color' of personality would please most people...I like to have people like me.)

But what if that's just *not* what you're really thinking, or feeling, or who you really *are*?  

What if I'm really having a black-camoflauge day?  Or very loud orange?  Or mismatched paisley and stripes? 

Or worse.  Just plain beige.

But when you've decided to *be yourself* with a certain group of people - that can be scary.

But what would be even worse would be getting to the point where you *can't* let your true feelings/thoughts/personality show....when you got to the point of being 'defended against vulnerablity' and you couldn't drop your walls, even if you wanted to.  

When you actually become a chamelion with no colors of your own, just the reflection of what someone else wants to see.

Grace and wisdom to decide what to say at the right time for the right reasons.

James 3:2-12..................for myself.

2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

When I was in highschool, I found that first verse enticing - 'Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect....'  and also the one where:

'Even a fool is thought wise if he holds his tongue.'

And then I cry out with Anne Shirley - but if you only knew the things I want to say and don't - maybe you'd give me some credit!

Keep on rolling.  In the words of Michael Card:

'The beginning will make all things new.  New life belongs to him.  He holds each new moment saying, my child begin again.  You're free to start again.'

Thanks Lord.

1 February 2016

Going away and coming home again


Last Wednesday we left the city behind us and went to Melford Village for a few days with our friends, the Ks.  I never like to publish when we are going away until we are back at home (just in case someone decides it'd be a good idea to break in.)  Sophie and Felicity had a marvelous time together in the little cottage and it was a lovely setting, despite the wild weather.

Highlights, aside from just having some downtime to spend with friends/family -

The scenery through the Trossochs and along the West Coast of Scotland.  The trees don't have their leaves this time of year which made it easier to see the outlines of the rivers and lochs and hills.  There's been some flooding so several of the rivers and the sea lochs were especially dramatic.  Several times we turned a sharp corner (think little 2-lane road with the 18-wheelers barreling past in the other direction) and I literally gasped at the views of a torrential river or the waves of a sea-loch high up over their banks - fortunately never over the actual road in our case, but you felt like you might as well just be driving *on* the water, it was so close.  On the way home there'd been a dusting of snow over everything as well, so it was dazzling on the fields and road as well - not just on the snow-covered mountain peaks driving up out of the land and water everywhere up there.  I think Simon and I both felt a bit claustraphobic coming back to the city on Saturday.  I feel I could certainly get used to the lonely space the countryside offers.

The ferries to Mull, Iona and other West Coast Islands (think: Staffa and Fingal's Cave) leave from Oban.  We drove through this town several times and spent an afternoon at the local leisure centre giving the girls a good time in the soft play.  The weather was 'authentic' scottish winter - windy and wet!  but the town is still beautiful - set on a hillside running down to a promenade by the harbor.  There are a lot of pretty Victorian semi-detached houses set up and down the hill.  I wouldn't mind going back there in the summer.

On Friday we had hoped to take the girls to the Scottish Sealife Sanctuary just north of Oban, but they were closed for bad weather.  (Shame as the website looks great - lots of things to do.)  So because we were already that far north (and weren't sure what the bridges and snow would do on Saturday) we went ahead and drove up to Ballachulish where Starfish harps has their workshop.  How cool!  Lucky for me, though it was nearly lunchtime, the kids both fell fast asleep in the car and stayed asleep for a while while I went in and played with the harps!  The secretary was so nice.  I explained that I was beginner and she said to take my time and just have a play around - and then she closed the door so I wouldn't feel self-conscious!  I have been drooling over their website for over 6 months and knew the varieties - and thought I loved the concert-strung Lochaber the best.  So it was really really interesting to be there and hear and feel the harps in person.  The Glenelle model I played on was my absolute favorite - I kept coming back to it.  It made a really, there's no other word for it, a really JOYFUL sound.  About 20 minutes later the kiddos woke up and Simon brought them in and was able to listen to the harps as well.  He was taking a video of me playing on the harps, which ended with Felicity saying, 'I need to go potty.'  LOL  but what a treat!  I'm planning to go to the International Harp Festival here in Edinburgh in April.  They'll bring their harps down then too.  They said they have a year-long waiting list for their harps at the moment - I'm going to start saving now....maybe I can get my name down in a year or two.

We went to the Glencoe Visitor Centre to have lunch (after passing about 3 cafes along the road that were very closed!)  It was only about 3 miles up the road from the Ballachulish bridge,

The other exciting thing happened Saturday on the road back to Edinburgh.  We stopped at the antiques shop and cafe outside of Doune and had lunch and a wander around the store.  Felicity was beside herself with the excitement of seeing all the wee statues of animals *everywhere.*  It was constantly...'Mommy!!!  Come! come, come, come HEre! and see what I found!'  Dogs, dolphins, teddies, dollies, giarrafes, elephants, 'a whole bunny rabbit party!', hedgehogs, mice,....(who buys all these dinky figurines anyway??)  but we got caught in the book section with rows and rows of nice hardback, dustjacket-lined treasures.  And boy, did I find a keeper!  Practically perfect, clean, with dustjacket, FIRST EDITION copy of The Discarded Image!!  I grabbed it up when I saw the book ~(because Ive been wanting to read it for a while) and couldn't belive it when I opened the copy.  There was also a first edition copy of Lewis' letters to Arthur Greeves (out of print) and a first edition of Dorothy Sayers play The Man Born To Be King.

Reader, I bought them.

I was trying to find current prices of 'new' copies of The Discarded Image on amazon - one was listed at $1,098.00 or something! (don't even know if that was a first editions or not)  Simon said, 'well....be careful not to spill coffee on it' (lol how well does he know me?  I think books *like* to be baptised....like toys like to be played with...)  I joked, well, I only need to find 6 more first editions in antique stores before I can buy my harp........

Titus is being very clingy this morning. Must stop here for now.

17 January 2016

Going to the National Gallery of Scotland with my 3 year old daughter

(written Tuesday at the hipster coffee shop...)

Even the metal ramp leading up to the doors is embossed and beautiful.  Pull open the heavy doors and enjoy the warm greeting of the person wearing tartan trousers, who usually scrambles to help us when they see our bumbling, chaotic entrance, complete with buggy and baby and bags!  ''Look!  There are our turtles!'' all four of the them carved in stone, holding up the corners of the donation box planted in the foyer.  My child stands in the most inconvenient places, unawares, watching in unself-conscious wonder while other visitors try to skirt around her into the inner doors.  I feel them take a mental step back from us - but do not fear us, dear tourists and pensioners!  We only come to watch and learn as you do, albeit in small baby steps each time - which is why we must visit more often - to sip up quickly the sights before our attention wanders.

We have our favorite friends - the stone turtles, the wooden lions (with their chair-weight bearing claws), the donkey next to the naked baby, the 'reindeer' crying at his death blow, the 'dead man'  (Patrocles) lying like a slab of marble on the wall.  We spot all the dogs and all the horses, immortalized in motionless liveliness within their lavish frames.  My prancing, golden, high-pitched companion, though she only reaches my waist, sometimes sees the clearest.  ''Why does that lady have no clothes on?''  ''I think that's a man, my love.''  ''Look at that horse!  A big brown horse!'' (I think it is unfortunate, or perhaps artistic justice?  This certain artistocrat should forever be standing next to the rich warm luster of his horses' rear end.  The horses' ass outshines the appearance of his master.)

And we love to visit the upstairs gallery with the blue couches and the 'snowflakes' on the floor.  ''I want to stay here forever because they have snowflakes on the floor...''  Before I visited with her eyes, I had never noticed the color of the beige patterned carpet or the fact that the walls and sofas were such a lovely blue.  But then, there are 'our banerninas' (of Degas) and the painting of the horse we like and the sculpture of the tiger eating the antelope.  And this time we noticed, 'Oh, the most beautiful picture!  Mommy, come!  Come!' with pinks and oranges and blues and yellows ('and no other colors, mommy') splashed recklessly across the canvas - a bridge between this dignified tour of the past and the irreverent spillings of new things rightly relegated to the Modern Art Museum.

I study the portrait of the young boy memorizing his book, wondering how the artist captured the sheen of almost blonde brown hair that remind me of my own masterpiece's gleaming?  (But hers are brighter.)  I would love to preserve that shining.  Lifting the veil between the ordinary and the eternal.

And when we leave into the misty, cold, rain-slicked city, the whole world is a painting wherever we look.  
 

12 January 2015

Ah...Oh, so this is what the office looks like after the kids are asleep......hmmmm......Almost forgotten where the 'new post' button was...

So Titus got used to sleeping in my arms when he was sick a couple of weeks ago.  I don't regret babying him like that at all (because, face it, he's a *baby* and how long does that last?) but I decided I really needed to get him sleeping solo in his own bed again.

And last night was *hard.*  I'm using a combination of methods that I've gradually accumilated through Felicity's no-sleep toddlerhood....this one (don't remember where it's from) is where you pick up the baby when they're fussy, but then put them back in their crib as soon as they're settled - no matter how long it takes.  Somehow, it helps when you count.  I find that after 5 times it's remarkably difficult when they start to cry again, but it's one of those things that if you start it, you really need to follow through, or it makes the entire process *even harder* the next time.  Do not surrender.  This is a war you must win, or resign yourself to sleeplessness forever (HA! but no pressure, right?!)

So last night, it took 14 times to lay him down before he fell asleep in his cot.  He woke up an hour later and it took another 10 times to lay him down again.  He then slept until 2am - *angels sing* and I fed him (before Felicity woke up from wetting the bed and I had to get up and change her bedding and PJs until abotu 3am....)  but then Titus woke up at 3:15am and I'm like, 'no Buddy....you ate really good only an hour ago - this is not an all-night drive through'

it takes 52 times to put him back in bed.  (oh, and I was so done by about time 23.....)  Finally, he gives it up about 5am and we're all able to go back to sleep.

And Felicity comes in at 6am wanting cuddles (she is succintly banished to her room until 7am when her clock changes.)  8am and I drag my unwilling carcass out of bed.  (Thank you Lord I didn't have to get up before 8am!)

I'm telling myself it's an initial investment.  It hurts now, but if I can get him to sleep in his bed again, it will pay dividends in the long run!  And I honestly think the only way I was able to hold the line last night was because I got 3-something hours of solo sleep before all hell broke loose.

Tonight, it took 3 lay-downs before he settled.  We will see how the rest of the night goes.

In the meantime, I'm going to go find the inside of my eyeballs for a while......




(We actually had a very good day today, much to my surprise.  Sometime I will start blogging about my daytime activities when the nights become less exciting.  Suffice to say, since Felicity was at nursery in the morning, I was able to go and buy her some larger t-shirts (I bought size 6s and 7s - 7 is still too big, thank goodness!) at the grocery store and sit and write silly poetry in a crowded coffee shop with my gorgeous baby for a while.  {And not even a 'yummy-mummy-type' coffee shop - I was the only one with a pram there!  Way to be hipster-wannabe me!  Unfortunately, don't think it improved the poetry.....}  Then this afternoon Felicity and I took a walk around some of the charity shops in town while waiting to pick up her medicine at the pharmacy.....we bought a new puzzle (with a map and flags of the world), a small plastic crocodile (he's going to be a hit with the other zoo animals....I thought he would be destined to be the antagonist but then Felicity informed me that 'he's a nice crocodile.  He only eats vegetables') and 6 bratz dollies (50p each!) to paint new sweet faces on.  Felicity and I had a great time then when we got home refurbishing our finds - I painted new faces on 2 of the dollies and she re-painted her crocodile (I think her painting looks better than the paint it came with actually...)  The kitchen table still bears the evidence in acrylic paint....but no matter, we had a brilliant time!  I was gratified that she took both new dollies with her in the bathtub (neccesary after the amount of paint distributed on hands, arms, faces....and also a good excuse to wash out the dollie's hair before they are assimilated into the household) and then dressed them in PJs before tucking them in bed with her.  I had put her hair up into a tinkerbell bun to keep it dry in the bath and was breathless at how grown up and *long* she looked in her PJs dressing her dollies.  I keep trying to call her a toddler, because technically she is still only 3, but she is really not!  Where did this big girl come from?  We have been reading a funny book from the library called 'Pizza Kittens' before bed the last 3 nights - which has an explosion of peas in the middle that makes us all laugh.  Then, Felicity wanted to hold and cuddle and kiss Titus while we tucked her into bed and said prayers.  Beautiful beautiful kids.  Oh yeah, and we watched the Hobbit ('the one with the horses and the TROLL!') and ate pancakes for dessert after dinner.)

Life is Good.  Just need more sleep.

11 January 2016

I love my kids.

Titus and I were jamming out to the Monkees and 'Hit the Road Jack' while I cleaned the kitchen and fed him baby rice this morning.  He was giggling and bouncing and so cute!

Felicity, Simon and I have been playing 'Pop to the Shops' a lot this past weekend.  She has also been asking me to 'PLay Ponies with me, Mommy!' incessantly!

Good days.  Not much time for myself, hence lack of blog posts, but great times.

1 Jan 2016

The fireworks display last night was something else.  I fell asleep long before midnight, but the noise easily woke me up.  I debated whether to get up or just pull the duvet back over my head, but in the end, I'm glad I struggled bleary-eyed to the window and caught the finale.  They had fireworks shooting off from the castle (?) and carlton hill at the same time - fantastic!  Then when the Edinburgh town fireworks were over, I heard bangs from the opposite windows and looked out towards the sea to see the fireworks being shot off from Portobello (?) and Musselburgh - and even some from out North Berwick way, it seemed.

Then I settled Mr. T as quickly as I could so I could go back to sleep!  For a long time after I went to bed, the rock-rhythm-bass reverberating across the city, blasted by enormous loudspeakers in town no doubt, kept me on the edge of consciousness thinking...... I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I, IV-IV-IV-IV-IV-IV-IV-IV-IV, V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V, I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I.........UGH.  (Musician problems.....)  

Happy New Years everyone.

31 December 2015

Sleep, glorious Sleep!

So the past two nights have been better.  Nowhere near going through the night yet, but at least I've really been able to switch off and konk out, as opposed to just dozing between fussing babies, waking toddlers, etc.

Yesterday we went to Holyrood Palace.  It's very much like any other grand country house you could visit, though definately smaller than the likes of Chatsworth and Castle Howard.  Very homely feeling though and crawling with guides *everywhere*!  My favorite thing was seeing the views to Holyrood Park out the back windows.  Felicity's favorite thing was rolling on the lush red carpets in the throne room and grand gallery.  Oh yes, and splashing in the gravel and puddles out back in the Holyrood Abbey - she played on the rock-bed remains of one of the pillars (basically now like 5-6 stones sitting on the ground) for almost 15 minutes.  Our tickets are good for a year, so I'll probably take the kiddos back and try to listen to more of the audio commentary when it's not quite so busy.

The spaceship bouncer

Felicity made her own bouncer out of a cushion and a plastic box

Very busy

5 and a half months old

Aaaannnd....he's adorable

Happy boy!

Christmas morning!

Opening the stockings after breakfast

Moving too fast for a proper picture of the Elsa dress....

Thanks for the socks, Jean!

Totally crashed enroute to Simon's parents

And the train track that lasted all afternoon....

Titus was fascinated by the moving train (and thanks for the socks for him too, Jean!)

27 December 2015

Spoke too soon about being out of the woods with Titus.  Turns out he only went down so easy because he was *really ill.*  He woke up to dream feed about 11pm last night and I was shocked at how hot he was.  The thermometer under his arm said 39.5/39.6*C (103/104*F) and it was still high after we gave him paracetamol.  And he was all floppy and his eyes weren't focusing and his breathing was starting to sound labored and intermittent. And it freaked me out enough to pack him up to the Sick Kids emergency room where the nurses took his vital signs and sure enough, his heart was racing at 220-240 bpm.  They weighed him up and gave him as big a dose of IBprofin as his weight would allow, but it still took over an hour for the temperature to come down completely.  Then I sat holding him with a pee-cup balanced on my knee trying to get a urine sample for another 2 hours.....  unsuccessfully, I'm afraid!  But by then, he had had a good drink, had smiled and cooed and generally flirted with everyone coming in the room, and fallen asleep again exhausted.

I think because Felicity is so so fair-colored, I haven't appreciated how light and fair Titus also is.  The (flurescent?) lights they use at the A and E show up every variation of color on the skin - I was able to see all the blood vessels and scarring on the back of my hands too - but after the flush of the fever left him, he was scary pale and clammy with poor little blue dark circles under his eyes.  How is it possible to love someone so much when you've only known them such a short time?

I got home about 4:15am in the end and unfortunately, Felicity woke up and needed settled back to sleep, but I was finally falling asleep myself by about 5:30am.  Whew.  Bless his heart, Simon hadn't slept while we were away either and he managed to contain Felicity on his side of the bed and then took her down to give her breakfast when she woke up for good at 7am-ish.  I dozed a while and then got up at 9:30am.  We called for reinforcements and Felicity went off to spend the afternoon with a friend so we had a chance to go back to sleep with the baby for a while this afternoon.

Titus was running another fever this morning, but it came down quickly after medicine.  He's delicate - been startling quite a lot and I've been trying to move him slowly and keep my hands on him as I think he's just got that kinda flu-ey, achey body.  After the fever dropped, he's been clammy and cold this afternoon again.  Much more responsive though and still eating well.  So I think we're going to give him a bath and try to have an early night of it for everyone.  Hopefully tonight will be a better one for sleep.

Mixed feelings about today as the weather was truly gorgeous - clear skies and sunshine.  On the one hand, we would have been a lot more miserable cooped up at home looking at the rain, but on the other, I hope we get another few days like today once we're all feeling better again.

I had a crazy idea to take a last-minute train down to York tomorrow, but I think that will have to wait for another time.

26th December 2015

Happy Boxing Day, y'all!

So I haven't had another 4.5 hour stretch of sleep since I last posted.  Poor Titus came down with brochilitius (sp?) and has been pretty miserable for the last week.  But he must be getting better because this is the first night in ages Ive been able to just lay him down in his bed once he's fallen asleep.  (*fingers crossed*)  I've been having to rock him/hold him/lie him next to me for the last week for him to sleep.  Poor bubba.  I do feel a bit under house arrest after 7/8pm when he's so tired and miserable and clingy, but on the other hand, how long will he stay a baby and need this?  

But so much for the excuses for the lack of blog posts!

I do wish I had been blogging because the last several days have been so fast and sweet.  Simon has these two weeks for Christmas off work and in between dealing with sick kiddos, etc., it's been so special.  This Christmas felt like a real Christmas - we had cinnamon rolls and finished the cut-out manger scene in the morning and talked about 'why were there Kings?  Who told the shepherds?  Is it normal to find a baby in the manger?...' etc., etc.  Our coffee machine (bean to cup, mutual Christmas present to eachother) is *brilliant* and I had about 3 lattes yesterday alone.  Felicity was excited about opening her presents here, but not so 'gimmee, gimmee' that she wasn't just as excited about exploring and playing and opening each toy as she unwrapped it.  I felt like we had a good balance of crafting stuff (the 'consumable' stuff that is always useful and you can't have too much of), clothes (dress up Frozen Elsa costume, anyone?) and games/books.  I guess gift-wise, I would rather be given something I know I have a place for - because if you have to invent a new place for something, chances are you don't probably need it!  I was delighted when my stocking was full of *stationary* - pens, highlighters, pencils, pencil case, sharpener, post-it notes, etc.!  (Yes, I did ask for stationary.)  It is always useful and you can't have too much of it (especially the way that I lose pencils and pens at work.)

We had a lovely cosy time in the morning in our pajamas with a fire in the fireplace and coffee and happy kids.  

In the afternoon we went over to Si's parents' house and the highlight was opening all the train set.  Simon and I decided to buy Felicity some Brio railway things when we saw how much she liked it at Sophie's house.  Simon's parents bought her a couple of supplementary tracks/trains.  She had a great time making a huge track around the livingroom, while Titus bounced and watched the train go round and round and round.  She was asking for the train again today and has done another really good job of putting it all together her way and linking up all the train carriages.  (Hours of fun!)

She and Titus have been super sweet the last few days.  It's nice to have Simon around at home.  I have a to-do list as long as my arm, but it's been good to have a break the last couple of days.

I've been reading some good books lately.  Robin Hobb's Assassin's Trilogy based around her fantasy world of the 6 Duchies.  They are really captivating books - better than watching a film.  I finished the second book today - it was 740 some-odd pages - I think I've been reading it for 3/4 days (but I took a break yesterday for Christmas).  I am looking forward to reading the third - Assassin's Quest.  It links up with 2 other trilogies she has written about the same characters - I have read those recently and it is fascinating to go back and read the 'prequel' about the characters I have grown to love.  I feel like I know them.  I read that Robin Hobb lives in the north of Alaska (?) worked on fishing boats and raised her family before writing the internationally best-selling Farseer books.  She sounds like she would be a fun next-door neighbor.

The other, completely different, book I've been dipping into is called 'What Color is your Parachute?' and it's all about job-searching and career-finding.  As I've been reading it, I've thought of easily 4-5 people who would benefit from his advice on the job-hunt.  I'm reading a copy from 2005 I borrowed from the library, but I saw that he updates the advice yearly.  I might look into finding the most current version as a reference guide after I skim a few more of the chapters in the book I am in.

The other book that's been sitting splayed-out, spine up, pages down on the side table next to my livingroom chair is 'A Poem A Day.'  Also borrowed (and renewed about twice already!) from the library.  I think I've made it to April 6th or something.  Some of the poems are very well known and I've read them many times before, but there's a good variety of new finds.  I like it because the editor has added some interesting tid-bits about each poet's life or work, as well as their dates, which helps frame the poetry in a historical context.  I love how a good poem makes you *see* things, especially in ordinary subjects you can relate to.  I have a new appreciation for the music in Gerard Manly Hopkins' work having read a few interspersed poems.  I have almost memorized Jabberwocky thanks to this book ('Come to My Arms, my Beamish Boy!') and Shakespeare takes my breath away.  While Felicity plays on the livingroom floor and I'm 'stuck' nursing Titus, I've been occasionally reading the poems out loud to appreciate the flow of the words.  I think I've caught Felicity listening a time or two as well......(I hope!)

I've been making a 'bucket list' of things I'd like to do in Edinburgh/Scotland that I haven't yet.  So far, I've come up with:

Holyrood Palace (! yes, I know!)

Afternoon tea or dinner at The Dome

Frequenting live music (esp fiddling?) in a pub, say

The International Harp Festival (heads up, I think it's every April?)

Starfish harps workshop

Visit Skye again (in summer, obviously)

The Islands of Aaron, Mull, Iona, Staffa (Fingal's Cave)

Scottish Seabird Centre

..... to be continued.......

I need to high-jack Simon's phone as he got most of the good pictures from yesterday.....

 

16th December 2015

Adequate

So yesterday the valuator came to the house 'sometime between 10 and noon.'  Monday I worked like a dog cleaning up the (frankly embarrassing) diningroom which has been our cats' room since before Titus was born.  I was shattered (and it was another rough night getting up with the kids) and I overslept.  Sooooo... I woke up up Tuesday morning (late) and thought - oh no, the rest of the house needs to be clean before 10am!!

There's nothing like a deadline to motivate.  I felt like a ninja.  'OK, it will take me 15 minutes to tidy both bedrooms and 15 minutes to vacuum.....yes.  10 minutes for cleaning the bathroom - GO!.....9:40am - do I do the dishes, clean the porch stairs, organize the bathroom shelves, put away laundry or, wait a minute - change out of my pajamas?  Get dressed, then the stairs, *then* makeup (if theres time.)  We were ready by 10am (despite Felicity 'helping' and wetting her trousers at 9:55am.....) and no one came.....so I started on the 'clean-this-if-I-have-time' list  -- for almost 2 hours!  The guy finally came at 11:50am, by which time I was exhausted!

But the house is really really clean.  And I've been a bit OCD about putting things away and making everyone else put things away......I wonder how long I can *keep* it like this?  lol

The sleep training is going well, I think.  Titus has done 4 and 5 hour stretches at night the last 2/3 nights.  If only Felicity also stays asleep, we're on the right track.  Last night I gave up at 8:30 and went to bed as soon as Titus was settled.  So I got a good couple of hours before midnight (when he woke up to eat) and then a great stretch until almost 5am!  I want to record that here as hopefully the first of many nights of at least 4.5 hours of sleep!  

Felicity's nativity went really well on Sunday.  It was a busy day as I was playing violin with the music group, Simon was organizing the sound desk and technical set-up, and we also had a music rehearsal at the house before church.  I had wanted to make sure Felicity had a little rest before church, but it didn't happen.  She and Titus are troopers though and did so well, all things considered.  No, much to my chagrin, she didn't sing Silen Night with the other kids -- she actually turned her back to the congregation and *watched* the other kids sing..... but she looked real cute in her pony costume.  And Monday morning I heard her singing Silent Night to Titus in his crib and she said, 'Mommy, I'm singing Silent Night to Titus because I didn't sing it at church with the other kids.  Is that OKay, Mommy?  Do you like it, baby Titus?'  She's been wearing the cute black and white checked dress (the long sleeved one, mom, with the little embroidered flowers) with her black cotton tights and little black sequin-y shoes.  I haven't caught a picture yet, but I will.

I *almost* got the kiddos down for a nap at the same time today.  They were both quiet in their beds for about 3 minutes..... baby steps.....

Now that the house evaluation is done, there's paperwork and phone calls to catch up on.  :-)  Wish me luck!

12 December 2015

Saturday

Last night was another rough one where I seemed to see every hour of the night - Titus was up every 2 hours and Felicity was up (almost on the hour mark!) in the middle of those two hours gaps.  So at 7:30am, I ruthlessly kicked everyone out of my bedroom (poor Simon as well - take the baby - I need to sleep), turned up the bedwarmer full-whack (I get to sleep faster when I'm warm) and heartlessly napped for a further 2 hours.  (Sorry-not-sorry...)  I emerged feeling newborn (it's sad when just 2 solid hours of sleep makes you feel like superwoman) and the whole day has gone much better as a result.  I had woken up because I thought I heard Titus crying - but when I came down, he was a happy little fellow - Felicity was playing with her zoo animals on the livingroom floor.  She then skipped up to the kitchen to show me all the painting and cutting that she and Simon had been doing while I was asleep.

And there was coffee......

It hit me this morning (after I woke up) that a surveyor is coming over sometime Tuesday to revalue our house (for remortgaging purposes after we had the loft conversion done.)  I don't think we need to do a 'property brothers' make-over before the visit, but it will help if the house is at least tidy, clean and presentable.  Oi vey.  I walked from room to room this morning, trying not to panic at the kid/Christmas/life-in-general carnage.

But I got the study and front guest room mostly tidy and the kitchen and laundry room aren't bad.  The livingroom will be easy to pull together.  Upstairs...hmmm.  How much stuff can I stuff under my bed out of the way?  (lol....like a teenager)  And the vacuum cleaner filters have needed cleaning for ages, so it all needs a good vacuum too.  But Simon did that tonight, so I can look forward to vacuuming the stairs and bedrooms tomorrow morning (at more sociable hours for the neighbors.)  And I'll put away all the laundry and hopefully clean the bathrooms before I go to bed tonight.  And then tomorrow we'll go out and get some ceiling paint to touch up the areas that have gotten stained from the roof leaks.  (The bank is more interested in the bricks and mortar of the house for purposes of remortgaging and we *dont* want it to show that we've had roof problems lately, even though we've obviously already gotten the roof fixed.)  And I'd like to go out and pick up the backyard while Simon's home to keep an eye on the kiddos inside.

The tricky thing is that tomorrow is also the church's nativity service and we're quite heavily involved in the afternoon.  It'll be great!  Always a good time.  Felicity's dressing up like a horse.  Titus will be a little fluffy bunny rabbit.  I'm playing fiddle and Simon's on the sound desk.  And we have a music rehearsal beforehand which will be nice to hang out with friends at.  Just less time for house chores.  (ha!  I'd much rather be at church than doing chores at home...)

  This has been more of a to-do list than a blog post.  But you can tell a lot about someone from their to-do lists!

My brain has been very busy with loads of other ideas and plans....some concerns.  It feels like a time of big transitions, even while everyday life here continues apace.  I feel like I have choices to make in the next few months/year that will make big impacts on the direction of how my life goes.  (Sorry, that's so teenage/angst-y to be almost cliche.)  I'm trying to sort out information and ideas to make good decisions while life seems to move so fast (hence the going-to-bed-later-than-is-really-good-for-me....after the kiddos are asleep is my thinking and processing (and cleaning) time.)

Some cute things Felicity has said - Friday I told her that my friend Michelle was coming over to have some coffee and 'talk about taxes.'  She cracked up and said, 'Taxes?  that's a funny place!' and I laughed and said 'No...taxes are money we give to the government.' and she cracked up again and said....'Well, that's a silly thing to do!  Funny Mommy!'  (LOL! and we both cracked up after that)

We maxed out my library card on Friday morning and I was about to leave several books when the librarian told me Felicity could have a children's card and have her *own* 12 books to check out.  (Woah! More books?  Oh yeah...)  You should have seen her face when I asked her if she wanted her own card.  lol  Her eyes went ginormous, she stuck out her tongue in a kind of excited-puppy-dog-when-it-pants-kinda-way, and nodded wordlessly....words failed her.  And I told her as we left...woah...you've got a library card (in my wallet, I hasten to add)....not even your Daddy has his own library card!
'Awwwww...' she said (surprising me with real sadness in her voice), 'I will share my card with my Daddy because he don't have any card at all.'

We visited Sophie this afternoon and I took Titus and the girls up to the shopping mall for a wee bit.  They were so excited by the christmas decorations!  And being together!  And AHHHH!  lol  The only time they disagreed was when Felicity told Sophie 'there is only one Elsa and I am Elsa.'  and Sophie said 'there is only one Anna and I am Anna.'  And Felicity immediately starts running away from Sophie....'Felicity!  Wait!  I am your friend Felicity!  Come back!'  and Felicity keeps dodging away (um, until Mommy intervenes and makes her hold onto Titus' pram)  'But Elsa *does* run away from Anna, Mommy.  I'm just playing Elsa.'  'Well.  She runs away in the beginning, but at the end of the movie, they are together ice-skating.  You can play Elsa at the end of the movie.  Not Elsa at the beginning of the movie.' And there was no more discussion or running away after that.  (Ha!  Go me and my ridiculous knowledge of Disney story-plots!  One for Mommy!)

Okay, I've written longer than I planned to.  I should go hit the laundry piles.  Wish me luck!

10 December 2015

A surprisingly good day.

Last night was the worst in a long time.  I think I got 2 hours sleep, then up for almost an hour, maybe another hour and 15 minutes after that.....and then it was morning.  *face hits pillow in despair*

(I've really got to get Titus sleeping at night.  I know he can do it.  I'm chronically sleep deprived and I know it isn't healthy.  Pray for this new schedule I'm trying to introduce.....)

I climbed back into bed for 5 minutes after getting the kids breakfasted and dressed and wondered (while the dynamite bundle of toddler energy bounced on my duvet-ed carcass...) how I was going to make it through the day.  I had a chiropractic appointment all the way across town, an arms-length-long list for Costco and (worse) Simon's work night out was tonight so he wasn't going to be coming home in between during what I like to call 'Crazy hour.'

We dropped Simon off at work.

I drove to costco via corner shop (for lucozade and paracetamol - ugh, fatigue headache.)

But Felicity was so sweet and obedient today.  We got to Costco just when it opened (Titus in the sling, leaving me hands-free to push the buggy and load it up!) so it was really quiet and Felicity played her 'run to the end of the aisle and then run back' game.  Poor kiddo - been too cold for her to run around much outside lately - I was almost glad of the warehouse of space to let her work off her energy.

And then, just as I was getting ready to go, I bump into a friend who happens to be leaving about the same time.  And she helps me unload the cart onto the conveyor belt and even put things back in the trolley afterwards - which is the hardest part of the shop when I'm also trying to keep an eye on Miss Personality at the checkouts.

And then, we made the chiropractor's office slightly more interesting with our presence.  But Gina fixed my rolled-up ribs again (nearly cried in relief and exhaustion) and Felicity and I read The Jungle Book in the waiting room (the old disney books like we had at Grandmother and Grandaddy's house) and Felicity gave me some water from the cooler, 'I will get you some water and then your back will be better, Mommy...'  (I've learned to sit for 5-10 minutes after getting adjusted before loading kids/carseats/buggy in the car again.)  And Gina held Titus so sweetly while I got my shoes on and the receptionist and I sang 'I wanna be like You-oo-oo' after I finished the jungle book. lol

Then the kiddos crashed in the car on the way back to Leith (peace and quiet!) and I took recycling/junk in the car to the tip while they slept.

Then arriving home, my next door neighbor was out front and she helped me unload all the shopping into the house in the blowing, pouring rain when the kids woke up screaming and crying.  Bless her heart.  

Then, Felicity, Titus and I settled down and everyone had milk (even me technically, if you count it in my coffee) while watching selected parts of the Hobbit movie #2.  Felicity doesn't usually like what I chose, but she was fascinated at first and I was commenting/orientating her around the characters etc.  Then we watched Jungle Book 2 (again.)  

And I got the kiddos bathed after dinner and everyone was in bed early!

and I've had a cup of tea and some creative time to myself now while the Beatles playlist keeps me company so I'm feeling much calmer about life in general.  (Looking up tax stuff last night as well and feeling edgy about things I thought were a non-issue {and might still be a non-issue}, but can't quite make heads or tails of the things I've read in the limited time I've had to read them - but that's another post for another time.)

Thank you God, for letting me be around so many *kind* people today when I was feeling so fragile.

Please give us a better night's sleep tonight.  Amen.