2 February 2016

A friend of mine uses slang regularly.  I assume it's to put other people at ease and also to belie just how intelligent he actually is.  I often sense it's a defense mechanism.  But he kept referring to another guy's girlfriend as 'Tom's bird.'  And in a group setting.  I probably came down too strong when I employed direct address to say, ''_________.  Don't call women birds.  It's disrespectful.''  I knew he was just joking, but it's been going on for a few weeks and it bugged me.  Probably should have let that one go, as his poor choice of words reflects more on him.  But he's not a fool, and I don't think he should choose to talk like one.  (And as an aspiring minister, he could get into a lot of trouble if he used poor word choices like this in the wrong company.)

Argh.  And now *I* feel vulnerable about it and foolish for saying anything.  It's so hard to choose to let your 'true colors' out.

I mean, it'd be okay if your true colors were always pretty pinks and sparkles and unicorns (I guess?)  or if you always knew what color to roll out in front of each person who's *expecting* a certain color.  (And I somehow, instinctively, often seem to just know what 'color' of personality would please most people...I like to have people like me.)

But what if that's just *not* what you're really thinking, or feeling, or who you really *are*?  

What if I'm really having a black-camoflauge day?  Or very loud orange?  Or mismatched paisley and stripes? 

Or worse.  Just plain beige.

But when you've decided to *be yourself* with a certain group of people - that can be scary.

But what would be even worse would be getting to the point where you *can't* let your true feelings/thoughts/personality show....when you got to the point of being 'defended against vulnerablity' and you couldn't drop your walls, even if you wanted to.  

When you actually become a chamelion with no colors of your own, just the reflection of what someone else wants to see.

Grace and wisdom to decide what to say at the right time for the right reasons.

James 3:2-12..................for myself.

2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

When I was in highschool, I found that first verse enticing - 'Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect....'  and also the one where:

'Even a fool is thought wise if he holds his tongue.'

And then I cry out with Anne Shirley - but if you only knew the things I want to say and don't - maybe you'd give me some credit!

Keep on rolling.  In the words of Michael Card:

'The beginning will make all things new.  New life belongs to him.  He holds each new moment saying, my child begin again.  You're free to start again.'

Thanks Lord.