Processing....
Been re-reading Ina May Gaskin's 'Guide to Childbirth' with Simon. It's heavy on the 'natural birth' side of things, but also strangely reassuring to hear the stories of what the female body is capable of. I was impressed by this book before F, so I wanted Simon to know her theories/principles/strategies for birth before we're actually booking into the labor ward. It's been good to hear Simon read it to me - his voice and interpretation is filtering out some of the unease I feel about the subject - unease both facing an upcoming birth and remembering F's delivery.
I also read Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding this week. It was an excellent book, though I have mixed feelings about the topic. I believe that it is better for the baby than formula, more immediate hence:convenient, more economical, etc., etc. If you're able to exclusively breastfeed, you have a lot less kit to worry about sterilizing, preparing infant formula, making bottles at night, boiling kettles, packing diaper bags, oi veh! I remember running into a grocery store for an emergency prepackaged formula when the formula I'd brought with me had been out too long. Stressful! However, I really hated breastfeeding F. Ugh, just the thought of doing it again makes my stomach a bit squeamish. I felt really really guilty at the time when I had so much trouble breastfeeding and when I eventually gave it up. (Though I was so happy to give it up at the time!)
The book was a really good read though. It has a lot of good trouble-shooting pointers - I'll be using it as a reference guide. It was also sad reading about what's 'normal' - even for a 'normal' hospital birth and comparing it to what we experienced with F's birth. Over and over, when she said, '__________ can affect breastfeeding...' I realized 'Oh, that's what happened to us...' and so no wonder F and I struggled with it - we were really fighting upstream the whole way to get established.
So I feel I've weirdly been through a mini-process of grieving my memories from 3 years ago. Sounds melodramatic perhaps, but I think just realizing and acknowledging - 'yeah, that was tough. That didn't go the way I wanted it to. I wish I had known about _______ before we were faced with these decisions' is really valuable for moving forward. I'm grateful for the time I've had to read and think about things this week. If nothing else, it gives me some space to say, 'If I have the choice, this is what I would like to happen, but I realize that I may not have the choice when the time comes. And I'm okay with that.'
I had a good talk to the midwife on Tuesday. She won't be at the hospital, but she's the one who has been monitoring me. The OB/gyn has told me I'm going to have an IV and constant monitoring in case anything happens and we need emergency surgery. It was reassuring to ask the midwife what that monitoring usually looks like, and what facilities would be available in the labor ward. The rooms are private and en suite/shower - that's major. I'll be able to move around the room if I choose. I will have a midwife there monitoring constantly, but she'll only bring in other staff if there's an emergency. (And the midwife said, 'And if you need intervention, there will be intervention - they will act and debrief you after' - this is also reassuring, though I hope it won't be necessary.) A birth pool might be available - but because of my SPD, they have to assess my mobility when I'm booking into the hospital. It would depend on whether I was able to get out quickly enough in an emergency situation. It also seems that they routinely support as little intervention as possible - so normally they don't clamp and cut the cord immediately. Normally, they would wait at least an hour before taking the baby off to be cleaned up/weighed. Normally, the baby stays with you the whole hospital stay. These are all things I was prepared to fight for after my reading this week, and it's reassuring to know that I wouldn't have to fight for them, as long as everything goes 'normally.'
so yes. Processing.
Thursday, 4 June 2015
29 May 2015
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So I've been having good week this week - hardly used the crutches at all and alternating things that are mildly more active and days to just sit still. One of my sit-still projects has been making-under these second hand Bratz dollies. F is really enjoying playing with them. Inspired by the 'tree-change dolls' from the lady in Tasmania.
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| After with new dolly dress. |
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| Much happier |
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| Even though F told me she was 'wearing pajamas' |
4 June 2014
I was apprehensive about this week. F is only going to nursery for two mornings a week, though Susan still giving me some childcare relief on Thursdays. I wasn't sure what it was going to be like picking her up at noon and having the energy reserves to look after her the rest of the day. I just have to say -
It's been GREAT so far this week. I am so lucky to have such an intelligent, sweet-natured, curious and beautiful little girl. If anything, we've had an even better week this week than the week before when she was in more childcare. She was able to go and expend some energy outside at nursery, then I was in control of her lunch and naptimes so the end of the day has just been much easier. She's had a nap consistently this week - which means I've also had a nap. And we've had some wonderful conversations. And she's often been happy just to play by herself in the same room as me when we're home.
I'm going to write a few of these down before I forget them:
We watched Peter and the Wolf at lunchtime on Monday. After it was over, Felicity was telling me basically that Peter was naughty for going out to look for the wolf when his grandpapa had told him to stay at home. 'I would stay at Nana's house when my Grandpapa said.' And I said something like, 'Yes, Peter was a silly boy, wasn't he? You're much more sensible. We'd let your Daddy get the wolf, wouldn't we?' and then I thought, 'Well, actually, Mommy and Daddy would probably both go get the wolf - we wouldn't let the wolf get you.' And she immediately piped up - '*I* not let the WOLF get DADDY!' I laughed so much, and said, 'No, no I not let the wolf get Daddy either. And Daddy not let the wolf get you or Mommy.' Glad to see her familial protective instincts are well and truly getting established!
We had a fun 'science' lesson at tesco grocery store yesterday. I went to one of the bigger out-of-town stores to use a gas coupon I had (I paid just 94pence a liter yesterday - whohoo! The going rate is about 120pence a liter.) I've been eating a punnet of blueberries a day lately it seems, so I went to stock up on some more fruit while we were there. She was helping me put things in the trolley. She'd never seen cherries or kiwi fruit before. She recognized the watermelon and wanted one of those. Then she pointed at a sign showing nectarines and peaches and asked what they were, so I bought cherries and nectarines and peaches and pears (she *has* had pears before- we like them) and a watermelon and bananas (she would eat bananas ALL day if I let her. I find myself sometimes saying 'No more bananas, you've had 3 already' only to find that Simon's gone and given her one too!)
Anyway, we were snacking on our glorious feast of fruit later and she was studying the cherries. For this to be funny, you have to realize that in Explorers we've been doing the questions relating to the Fall. She's also been watching the bible stories app and she's been especially fixated on the one about the Fall. So as she had this cherry, I noticed she was saying something about 'separated' under her breath and took it as a good sign to practice her 'Questions' for Explorers.
'Did Adam and Eve continue to be good?'
'No, they sinned by disobeying God.'
'What happened when they sinned?'
'Sin separated them from God.'
'That's right.'
'I'm eating cherries'
'Yes, they're good, aren't they?'
and in a whisper...'That's why I'm separated from God....'
We hadn't talked about *how* Adam and Eve sinned, so I was *floored*. I confess I laughed so hard. 'Aw baby, no! Do those cherries look like the fruit in the Bible stories book? and you know Adam and Eve sinned by eating the fruit?' (nodding to both questions) 'Aw, honey! God said they could eat any fruit except the fruit of the one in the very middle and it wasn't a cherry tree! we can eat apples and pears and cherries and oranges and all kinds of fruit- it doesn't separate us from God!'
Good to have these deep theological discussions from an early age!
H, Z, and C came over on Monday afternoon and it was so nice to see how well F and Z played together. F wanted to play 'trains' (by linking up and following eachother), Z wanted to play 'Monsters' by roaring at eachother. I laughed at myself for being quite secretly proud that F's 'monster roar' was actually more convincing than Z's! lol
We saw Z and H and C Wednesday afternoon as well. When I told F that we were seeing them after she had her little rest, she was so excited!
'I'm going to STING him!'
'Excuse me?'
'I'm going to STING him! I'm a buzzy bee! Bzz bzz bzzz..'
and I laughed again.
'Oh, are you? Do you think Z will like that game?'
'Yes.'
'Yeah, I think he'll probably like that game too.'
The potty training continues apace. She still has accidents sometimes (more when she gets too distracted playing or watching something!) but the new development has been she wants to sit more and more on the actual toilet, rather than just her little potty. She also has told me to leave the bathroom as she does this sometimes. F has this childlike genius for seeing things as other things. The other day, she yelled, 'Mommy! I done a poo! Come, look!' (We have a rule that we only talk about poos in the bathroom.)
'Oh wow, yeah, good job! It's a big poo...'
'It's a MOON poo!'
and I busted up again, as I noticed the poo was distinctly crescent-shaped.
Another time, she had done lots of little poos, and she said, 'They're FRIEND poos!'
Another time, she did a big poo and a little poo and she said (in a high-pitched sing-song) 'Awww, it's a little BABY poo!'
I'm glad we have a rule that we only talk about poos in the bathroom.
Maybe it's because I've looked a little more helpless out and about lately, but one thing that has irritated me about looking after F the last few days have been other adults. It happened at the doctor's office Wednesday morning. I told F to put on her jacket and backpack before we went outside. She was distracted in the large waiting room that was filled with toys. I was on my crutches, and when she didn't immediately obey, both the nurse and the receptionist started repeating, coaxing, bribing, persuading.... ugh! Maybe I give F too much time to follow instructions, but I have read that it actually takes longer for children to process an instruction than it does for adults. I have given her the benefit of the doubt, usually by leaving a pause before I tell her again, but this is more because I want my words to be clear and not get into the habit of incessantly repeating myself. It will take her the same amount of time to obey, but I might say what I need to say 2-3 times instead of 7-8 times! So if anything, having more people add to a conversation that is between me and my daughter only adds 'white noise', more confusion, and diminishes my authority in the matter. I feel less capable to discipline effectively if there's a vocal crowd involved, because I think that discipline, (and even giving her the reminder that I *will* discipline) is and should be private. The problem is, people are just trying to help, but I wish I could think of a tactful way to tell these well-intentioned-interferers to 'Butt out!' The best way I've been able to reestablish order when this has happened is to take F away from the situation where I can talk to her alone. At the doctor's office yesterday, it happened to be the bathroom. I was able to retreat, jackets and stuff in hand, herd her away from the nurses, reestablish communication, and easily put on the jacket and backpack after dealing with both our delicate bladders! (The bathroom, helpfully, was a disabled one, with fish decals stuck all over the walls - F spent the whole time pointing out 'jellyfish! baby jellyfish! Octopus! Little crab! Mommy crab! Seaweed! What's that mommy? Oh, Pufferfish! Mommy! A shark!')
This morning I gave F a bath and a hairwash since her poor little head was so tangly. We needed a deep condition just to brush it out. She was shivery after the bath and laughing and teeth-chattery when I wrapped her up and tossed her on her bed, wrapping her up in a blanket before fetching her day clothes. I was helping her get dressed and she jumped up and hugged me around my copious middle. I was laughing at her and asked if she was giving her baby brother a hug. And she looked up at me and said, 'I make you happy, Mommy?' And I laughed again and said, 'Yes! You make me very happy!' 'You make me happy, Mommy.'
I love that little girl.
It's been GREAT so far this week. I am so lucky to have such an intelligent, sweet-natured, curious and beautiful little girl. If anything, we've had an even better week this week than the week before when she was in more childcare. She was able to go and expend some energy outside at nursery, then I was in control of her lunch and naptimes so the end of the day has just been much easier. She's had a nap consistently this week - which means I've also had a nap. And we've had some wonderful conversations. And she's often been happy just to play by herself in the same room as me when we're home.
I'm going to write a few of these down before I forget them:
We watched Peter and the Wolf at lunchtime on Monday. After it was over, Felicity was telling me basically that Peter was naughty for going out to look for the wolf when his grandpapa had told him to stay at home. 'I would stay at Nana's house when my Grandpapa said.' And I said something like, 'Yes, Peter was a silly boy, wasn't he? You're much more sensible. We'd let your Daddy get the wolf, wouldn't we?' and then I thought, 'Well, actually, Mommy and Daddy would probably both go get the wolf - we wouldn't let the wolf get you.' And she immediately piped up - '*I* not let the WOLF get DADDY!' I laughed so much, and said, 'No, no I not let the wolf get Daddy either. And Daddy not let the wolf get you or Mommy.' Glad to see her familial protective instincts are well and truly getting established!
We had a fun 'science' lesson at tesco grocery store yesterday. I went to one of the bigger out-of-town stores to use a gas coupon I had (I paid just 94pence a liter yesterday - whohoo! The going rate is about 120pence a liter.) I've been eating a punnet of blueberries a day lately it seems, so I went to stock up on some more fruit while we were there. She was helping me put things in the trolley. She'd never seen cherries or kiwi fruit before. She recognized the watermelon and wanted one of those. Then she pointed at a sign showing nectarines and peaches and asked what they were, so I bought cherries and nectarines and peaches and pears (she *has* had pears before- we like them) and a watermelon and bananas (she would eat bananas ALL day if I let her. I find myself sometimes saying 'No more bananas, you've had 3 already' only to find that Simon's gone and given her one too!)
Anyway, we were snacking on our glorious feast of fruit later and she was studying the cherries. For this to be funny, you have to realize that in Explorers we've been doing the questions relating to the Fall. She's also been watching the bible stories app and she's been especially fixated on the one about the Fall. So as she had this cherry, I noticed she was saying something about 'separated' under her breath and took it as a good sign to practice her 'Questions' for Explorers.
'Did Adam and Eve continue to be good?'
'No, they sinned by disobeying God.'
'What happened when they sinned?'
'Sin separated them from God.'
'That's right.'
'I'm eating cherries'
'Yes, they're good, aren't they?'
and in a whisper...'That's why I'm separated from God....'
We hadn't talked about *how* Adam and Eve sinned, so I was *floored*. I confess I laughed so hard. 'Aw baby, no! Do those cherries look like the fruit in the Bible stories book? and you know Adam and Eve sinned by eating the fruit?' (nodding to both questions) 'Aw, honey! God said they could eat any fruit except the fruit of the one in the very middle and it wasn't a cherry tree! we can eat apples and pears and cherries and oranges and all kinds of fruit- it doesn't separate us from God!'
Good to have these deep theological discussions from an early age!
H, Z, and C came over on Monday afternoon and it was so nice to see how well F and Z played together. F wanted to play 'trains' (by linking up and following eachother), Z wanted to play 'Monsters' by roaring at eachother. I laughed at myself for being quite secretly proud that F's 'monster roar' was actually more convincing than Z's! lol
We saw Z and H and C Wednesday afternoon as well. When I told F that we were seeing them after she had her little rest, she was so excited!
'I'm going to STING him!'
'Excuse me?'
'I'm going to STING him! I'm a buzzy bee! Bzz bzz bzzz..'
and I laughed again.
'Oh, are you? Do you think Z will like that game?'
'Yes.'
'Yeah, I think he'll probably like that game too.'
The potty training continues apace. She still has accidents sometimes (more when she gets too distracted playing or watching something!) but the new development has been she wants to sit more and more on the actual toilet, rather than just her little potty. She also has told me to leave the bathroom as she does this sometimes. F has this childlike genius for seeing things as other things. The other day, she yelled, 'Mommy! I done a poo! Come, look!' (We have a rule that we only talk about poos in the bathroom.)
'Oh wow, yeah, good job! It's a big poo...'
'It's a MOON poo!'
and I busted up again, as I noticed the poo was distinctly crescent-shaped.
Another time, she had done lots of little poos, and she said, 'They're FRIEND poos!'
Another time, she did a big poo and a little poo and she said (in a high-pitched sing-song) 'Awww, it's a little BABY poo!'
I'm glad we have a rule that we only talk about poos in the bathroom.
Maybe it's because I've looked a little more helpless out and about lately, but one thing that has irritated me about looking after F the last few days have been other adults. It happened at the doctor's office Wednesday morning. I told F to put on her jacket and backpack before we went outside. She was distracted in the large waiting room that was filled with toys. I was on my crutches, and when she didn't immediately obey, both the nurse and the receptionist started repeating, coaxing, bribing, persuading.... ugh! Maybe I give F too much time to follow instructions, but I have read that it actually takes longer for children to process an instruction than it does for adults. I have given her the benefit of the doubt, usually by leaving a pause before I tell her again, but this is more because I want my words to be clear and not get into the habit of incessantly repeating myself. It will take her the same amount of time to obey, but I might say what I need to say 2-3 times instead of 7-8 times! So if anything, having more people add to a conversation that is between me and my daughter only adds 'white noise', more confusion, and diminishes my authority in the matter. I feel less capable to discipline effectively if there's a vocal crowd involved, because I think that discipline, (and even giving her the reminder that I *will* discipline) is and should be private. The problem is, people are just trying to help, but I wish I could think of a tactful way to tell these well-intentioned-interferers to 'Butt out!' The best way I've been able to reestablish order when this has happened is to take F away from the situation where I can talk to her alone. At the doctor's office yesterday, it happened to be the bathroom. I was able to retreat, jackets and stuff in hand, herd her away from the nurses, reestablish communication, and easily put on the jacket and backpack after dealing with both our delicate bladders! (The bathroom, helpfully, was a disabled one, with fish decals stuck all over the walls - F spent the whole time pointing out 'jellyfish! baby jellyfish! Octopus! Little crab! Mommy crab! Seaweed! What's that mommy? Oh, Pufferfish! Mommy! A shark!')
This morning I gave F a bath and a hairwash since her poor little head was so tangly. We needed a deep condition just to brush it out. She was shivery after the bath and laughing and teeth-chattery when I wrapped her up and tossed her on her bed, wrapping her up in a blanket before fetching her day clothes. I was helping her get dressed and she jumped up and hugged me around my copious middle. I was laughing at her and asked if she was giving her baby brother a hug. And she looked up at me and said, 'I make you happy, Mommy?' And I laughed again and said, 'Yes! You make me very happy!' 'You make me happy, Mommy.'
I love that little girl.
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