Just read a New York Times article touting the 'new trend' of people choosing to remain childless -'child-free living.' The tone of the article depressed me. It painted a picture of 'consumer-driven, competitive' parenting. It was defensive - 'child-free by choice' seems to be accused of being 'selfish' - it was aggressive - accusing parents of just being selfish and self-absorbed in a different way - assuming everything and everyone has to kow-tow to the whims of them and their children. It was hostile to families. 'The only thing I hate more than children' one quote said, 'is parents.' It portrayed families as the enemy to a new social demographic. It was anti-child - portraying abortion as a normal, if not routine, birth control method.
The thing I found most disturbing though was that while these hostile undercurrents flowed through the article, the people being interviewed took a higher-ground position when observing parenting and child-rearing, While having no practical experience, and obviously no desire for practical experience of parenting, they were placing themselves in a position to adjudicate the value of children/parenting, and seeming to demand the right to be involved in other people's children. 'I'd be a lousy mom, but I'd be a great aunt or friend to a mom.' (Implying that the person actually is not an aunt or currently friends with any moms, but feels her benevolent influence would benefit a niece/nephew/mother.')
It bothers me that 'child-free-by-choice' people, who by definition of not investing themselves in the real work of parenting, are the people who will cultivate opportunities to be the politicians, the medics, the professors, the teachers, the self-styled 'parenting experts' in the future.
I'm not arguing with people's rights to make their own choices. If someone knows they don't want children - good for them. I don't even really mind if someone feels hostile towards me for 1) wanting kids 2) having kids 3) inflicting my kids on an unsuspecting-and-otherwise-peaceful-world (think:grocery store tantrums anyone?) I'm able to take a few dirty looks and usually apologize for the short-lived inconvenience on their eardrums. Live and let live.
The problem will happen as moms and the skills they develop while raising their crazy kids are marginalized and devalued by society, the work-force, the universities, in favor of the non-moms who have these deep-rooted prejudices. When motherhood is relegated to the shallow pursuit of 'keeping up with the Jones' and child-free living is seen the new cultural 'enlightenment' of the intellectual who assume they know what's best for the rest of society as well. Will the 'experts' leave the child-rearing to the parents? I doubt it.
So, live your life without kids by all means. Just don't also claim to be an expert on parenting or children. And certainly don't expect or demand access and influence over my kids.
Reading over this, I feel I should also say that I have many friends without children at the moment who are amazing with kids and we would be poorer as a family without them! I object to the tone of disrespect towards traditional families and the hypocrisy of demanding influence/authority over children while despising the choices of their parents.
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