30 May 2015

A description of F's bedtime routine.  Just a note that this is *descriptive* of what happens in our family, not *prescriptive* of what-I think-bedtime-should-be-for-everyone.  It's just how we roll around here.

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Felicity's bedroom routine (May 2015)

If bathing, start about 7:10pm

If no bath needed, start about 7:30pm

Goal is to have Felicity settled in bed by 8:10pm-ish

Take medicine syringes and 'inside-cup' of milk upstairs with you to make it simpler. (Inside cup is a cup with a lid, filled with whole milk and zapped in microwave for about 20-25 seconds.)

Step 1 – at the top of the stairs, direct Felicity into the bathroom to sit on the potty and try once more. While she's sitting on the potty, put her toothpaste (top shelf in the cabinet under her hairbobble box usually – not the adult toothpaste) on the toothbrush and have her brush her teeth. (Whatever toy or animal she is holding can 'help' her brush her teeth. 'EEEEeee' means smile and brush the front of the teeth, 'Aaaaaaaah' means brushing the tops of the molars above and below.) If she's not had a bath, also wet down a corner of a wash rag and let her wash her mouth and face. She'll usually ask where she still needs to wipe off her face and expects to be shown by pointing to your own face.

If she still hasn't finished the potty by the time this is done, go and get her Pjs and pull-up from the bedroom to save time. (Pull-ups are either on top of the dresser, or in the top lef-thand drawer. The Pajama drawer is the top full-length drawer. The My little pony Pjs are the current favorite. If they're not available, they're 'in the wash'.) You can take off her day clothes and put them straight into the laundry basket in the bathroom if she's still not finished with the potty. Dress her in the pull-up and Pjs as soon as she finishes the potty to save time.

Her goal during this time is to have enough time for '3 stories.' Remind her when you're climbing the stairs – 'Great! We're going to read 3 stories tonight!' And if there's any slow-down or resistance/ignoring instructions in the bathroom routine, the reply, 'Well, I guess we might only have time for 2 stories...' usually starts things progressing again. There's only been a couple of days with significant behaviour when I've had to actually take away stories, but those times I've had to say 'I know, I want three stories too! But we will have to try again tomorrow because you weren't listening when mommy said to........'

When she's dressed in PJs, it's time to go into her room and choose 3 stories. She tends to focus and settle better in a clean room, so depending on time and how messy the room is, she can help to sort toys back into their appropriate boxes.

Clearing the room:

Legos and plastic jungle animals go into the clear lidded box. Ponies figures and sylvanian families go into the purple Pony box. All doll house furniture goes into the doll house. Farm animals, rubber ducks and farm stuff goes into the soft farmhouse. Soft toys go into the green laundry hamper. All cloth food goes into the clear cylindrical tub. Tea dishes go on the tray on top of the bookcase. It takes generally less than 5 minutes to put everything away myself – slightly longer if she 'helps' (but I try to make her help depending on time and how tired she is to set precedence!)

Story time -

Shut the curtains before story time and turn on the green bug light and the pink flower light. You can have the overhead lights on too if there's not enough light to read. Picking out 3 stories first is generally better. It allows control on short/long stories and it means that if she wants more than one story in a longer book, you can 'trade' it from the stories you've already picked. For example, one story out of the Bible story book counts as one story – not the whole book as one story (since there are 5 stories in each book.) Give her her milk to drink on story 2 or 3 so she gets most of it out of the way before questions.

After story time, the overhead lights go off and I usually try to turn off the green bug light as well before 'Questions.' If she's been playing with 'pokey toys' (ie, plastic ones), this is the time they have to leave the bed too. This is the list of questions she's learned at explorers and memory verses I've happened to teach her at one point or another.

Questions:

Q: Who made you?

A: God

Q:What else did God make?

A: All things

At this point, she sometimes gets quite silly. I sometimes have to give her the reminder that we won't do the questions if she's just going to be silly.

Q:Why did God make you and all things?

A: For his own glory

Q:Where is God?

A: Everywhere

Q: What is God?

A: A spirit

Q:What is a spirit

A: An invisible being

Q:Can you see God?

A: No, but he always sees me

Q:Does God know all things?

A: Yes, nothing can be hidden from God

Q:How many Gods are there?

A: There is only one God.

Q: What are the 3 persons of God?

A: The father, the son, and the holy spirit

Q: Who is God's son?

A: The Lord Jesus Christ

Q: Did Christ stay in the grave when he died?

A: No, he rose again on the third day

Q: Where is Christ now?

A: He's in heaven, praying for us.

Q: What is sin?

A: Sin means disobeying God

(Aside, she'll often say that sin makes our hearts 'sad and dirty' though that's not technically one of the questions)

Q: What can change a sinner's heart?

A: The Holy Spirit alone

Q: What does Jesus mean?

A: Saviour, because he saves his people from their sin

Q:Where do you learn to love and obey God?

A:In the Bible alone

Q:Who was the first man God made?

A:Adam

Q:Who was the first woman God made?

A: Eve

Q:Were Adam and Eve good when God made them?

A: Yes, everything God made was very good.

Q: Did Adam and Eve continue to be good?

N: No, they sinned by disobeying God

To be continued as we add new questions each Wednesday at Explorers....!

Possible Memory Verses:

Her favorites are 'The Lord is my Light' and 'The Lord is my Shepherd'

The Lord is my Light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the Stronghold of my Life, of whom shall I be afraid?

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want, he makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters, he restores my soul, he leads me in paths of righteousness for his names' sake

(clarification: 'sake', not 'sick' and we have this discussion that God puts his name on us – just like her last name is 'Rigg' because she's in our family -so if she goes on a tangent about 'being sick' or 'I'm Felicity Rigg!' that's where that's coming from – completely logical, really.) Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Let your gentleness be known to everyone, the Lord is near.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, Genesis 1:1

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

(Hebrews 12:11)

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

After memory verses (a good one to finish with is 'Do not be anxious...' as it goes nicely into 'presenting requests to God'), it's time to pray. The green bug light goes off at this time. (she sometimes protests about this, I try not to make a big deal about it, because she really settles faster without that light in her face.) I usually ask her 'what do you want to thank God for today then?' and she will decide who goes first. If she doesn't want to pray, that's fine too. Simon and I will both pray.

She gets a hug and a kiss, and her music goes on. (She's been listening to the nutcracker for the last month or so.) The pink flower light stays on. She can have another drink of her milk.

If she's clingy, I'll sit on her bed and hold her hand for one more minute. Then I say 'time to hold your belly-button' and tuck her in. If she's really protesting, I'll sit for one more minute before saying something like 'I need to go to the bathroom now, close your eyes and I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you.' Or 'I'm going to go sit in my chair in my room now, I'll be close and I'll come back to check on you in 10 minutes.' If she's happy, I'll just tell her I love her so much and goodnight.

Sometimes, she'll call out one more time and I will go back in once more. She usually just wants one more sip of milk and then she's happy to burrow down to her pillow. Sometimes she'll want her hand held once more and the process above applies.

Naptime is called 'A Little Rest.'

A Little Rest (Naptime) happens right after lunch at home. She's taken upstairs, put on the potty (important as I don't put a pull up on her at naptime!). She only gets 1 story and 3 questions at naptime. No prayer (unless she asks for one) , no lights on, but I do usually play her music. If she says she's not tired, the rule is she has to lie still with her eyes closed for 10 minutes. If I come and check on her and she's not asleep after that (I confess, I sometimes leave it for 15 minutes) she can get up. She's usually snoring by the time I go check on her. It's easier in her mind though as it's only 'a Little rest. Not a Big one.'

26 May 2015

Tuesday -

I woke up yesterday feeling like I was staring down the barrel of another week and not sure what to do with it.  Yesterday, I ran a load of errands in the morning, fixed a few dollies for F, talked to Jean and to Mom on the phone, picked up F and Simon from nursery/work and even took a few things up to the dump.  It was a really productive day and I was surprised that I wasn't hurting as much as I was last week.  I left my crutches and I was a lot more limber, even in the evening.  I don't know why the change happened, but I am grateful for a brief respite.  I slept better last night as well as a result.

After being out yesterday, I decided to stay quietly at home today.  I started working on a painting and got a lot further with it than I expected to in one day.  I kinda get sucked into things when I start them....but I was trying to discipline myself to stop every 30-45 minutes and take a break - fit the housework and lunch, etc., around painting.

It's been a gorgeous sunny day and nursery slathered the kids up with sunscreen and played with them outside for most of the day they said.  I'm so glad she's got that outlet right now as she wouldn't have had much fun stuck inside with me.  She's tired tonight, but that's because she's had a really good day.

Where I was happily making a mess most of today....

Picking up F from nursery - she'd found a toy cat there which she named 'Tim Catchamouse' after a character in a book she has.

19 May 2015

Lots to process....

In 6 weeks, we will have a baby.  The biggest thing on my mind lately has been the obstetrician's appointment that was yesterday.  I didn't sleep well at all the 3 days going up to it.  I'm glad Simon was able to be there and I'm glad Felicity was at nursery.  Lots of mixed feelings.  Biggest decision was birth-plan - I went in requesting a section, due to my pain and fears about pelvic injury.  The doctor was *lovely* a real human person, and made us aware of complications a second section could present in the future.  Also reassured me strongly that this SPD is a specifically pregnancy-related condition that *will* go away after the birth - could take a matter of days, or a matter of weeks, but it goes away.  There's no medical reason they would urge a section at the moment.  They will not use chemicals to induce me, as this would be dangerous with my current scarring.  Because they will not induce me, if I haven't spontaneously gone into labor by 40 or 41 weeks, they would say that's a medical reason for another section.  So, however it goes, in 6 weeks, we will have a baby.  

I think she knew straight away that my reason for wanting a section is fear of the pain, but she didn't mention that or pass any judgement on that in any way.  I'm hurting as it is and labor is said to be one of the most painful experiences known to 'man.'  Pain+pain = lots of pain.  I think it was very mature of me to admit this fear this yesterday (even though I started crying just thinking about it!).  But maybe knowing I only have to last for 6 weeks - and not 7 or 8 more will be enough of a psychological boost.  I'm not feeling blase like I was for Felicity's birth ('well, it's going to happen anyway now, so I guess I'll just deal!')  I'm frightened.  No one can talk me off this fear because I am very rational person - I know all the logical arguments in my head and I don't want anyone - even someone with the experience of labor behind them, trying to talk away this fear.  Even the doctor admitted that I will be in both types of pain during a natural birth.  But if I can manage it, it keeps more options open in the future and I don't want to regret this decision simply because I was afraid.  

Something said at Community Group last night - you never overcome a negative attitude/habit/feeling by simply 'trying' - you have to find an overmastering positive passion to take its place.  Ultimately, that inspiration is Christ.  I'm trying to find the key to applying the gospel to this fear of pain..................  I guess............. for starters.............God only gives us grace for today.

Staying consistent and calm with F while suffering sleep deprivation and chronic pain. Isn't. always. easy.  She's 3 and testing the boundaries.  She has selective hearing.  She gets the bulk of her schedule and discipline from me.  I feel like a broken record when I'm getting her dressed in the morning.  ('Come here. Come here. Come here and put your knickers on.  No!  Come back and put your trousers on.  What do you do when Mommy calls you?  That's right.  Come here now.')  She's started hitting me when she doesn't like what I'm telling her.  I'm having to speak very carefully and I am only using spanking as a last resort so that it results in *resolution* rather than *escalation* of the confrontation.  At night, her goal of having 3 stories read to her can usually speed up teeth-brushing, pajama-donning, medicine-taking, bath-taking, etc.etc, ('Well, if you don't come now, you'll only have 2 stories. OK, I guess we're only having 2 stories.  Well, come here now then.') but I still feel it's a bit of a cop-out/bribe.  And she shouldn't be obeying because she wants something, she should obey because it's the right thing to do.  I also am having to be careful with my temper, as it is very easy to flare up when she does something like hit me - while I need to make sure she knows hitting is absolutely unacceptable, she will only learn the fear of man if I use my anger as a weapon against her.  At the risk of sounding really sorry for myself - the reality is that me getting 3 or 4 consecutive hours of sleep is a *really good* night right now, and even that doesn't happen consistently.  Yes.  So as before, grace for the day.

Laughing - at latenighthashtags, with Simon, with F, at myself.  Laughing is good.  The Dadvice hashtags, the 'oopsmybad' and 'Iusedtothink' have all been pretty darn funny.  Simon and I have had the opportunity to go out for lunch together, by ourselves, twice this week!  I've enjoyed his company and we've laughed a lot.  Good to be remember that we still actually like eachother.  Felicity makes me laugh every day.  This morning she was talking cute baby-talk to my tummy, and kissing 'my baby brother.'  I should try to get a video of this adorable affection.

Another medicine episode from my roller coaster day yesterday.  It was probably the sleep deprivation of the nights before, but everything was either making me laugh or tear-up yesterday.  We gave F the last dose of one of her prescription heart medicines yesterday at lunchtime, but I wasn't worried because I had called in the medicine last week.  It usually only takes 4-5 days and I expected it to be in the pharmacy.  It wasn't.  The pharmacist was so apologetic, but it wasn't her fault, and nothing could be done.  

So, I called the Sick Kids, expecting to have to take F up to Accidents and Emergencies around her medicine time last night (ugh, 8pm - 9pm when she ought to be in bed) and expected to have to take her again this morning for her morning dose, until a new bottle could be arranged from their on-site pharmacy.....

However, the people I spoke to on the phone (both of them) were soooo articulate and kind.  Sometimes I get these troll-like people and I feel like I'm speaking a foreign language with them.  They managed to catch their pharmacy team before they left for the day, and they left the bottle for us at main reception within seriously, like 20 minutes.  All I had to do was drive up and pick it up.  *Amazing* and so so so appreciated.  And now we have plenty of medicine again.  

I was feeling so fragile emotionally and I feel like God protected me and caused so many *kind* people to cross my path yesterday, even under stressful circumstances.  Very humbling!    

Community group and trying to stay connected to people.  Understanding that though my issues are looming large in my own mind right now, everyone is dealing with something that is equally important to them.  How to authentically let people in?  

Feeling frustrated with the beautiful weather - I have time but I haven't been in my garden a bit.  I want to walk around Dalkeith Country Park.  I want to weed the flowerbeds, the strawberries and mow the lawn.  I'm hoping this season will make me appreciate movement more in the future.  I want to be fit again.

Reading the Odyssey.  Really reading it.  I started it halfway through when Odysseus arrives on Ithaca - read to the end, then looped back around again - now I'm back where I 'started' and I might just keep going.  \I was reading it in the bathroom the other night while keeping an eye on F's bath, and she wanted me to read it to her.  I was at the part where Odysseus sets sail to the underworld to consult Tiresius, the prophet.  I edited out the goriest analogies and scariest parts.  When I stopped reading aloud (to go faster - saying the words slows me down), she said 'Keep reading! Tell me!'

My to-do list.  It's double-sided right now.  I wrote it down because I need help with a lot of it.  Simon has been working so hard and he's trying to beat deadlines both at work and with the app stuff.  It's hard for me to ask him to do any more than the bare minimum of what's absolutely needed.  Practical lessons for me in communication, forbearance, prioritizing and letting go. 

Whooping cough vaccination this afternoon.  Documentary about nutrition, especially dangers of refined sugar and refined carbs. Shorter catechism. Teaching a 3 year old about appropriate touch.  Packing hospital bags.  Meal planning and tesco deliveries.  How to plan an study/office space....these are headings maybe for the next train of thought!

PS.  F is blowing zerberts on my arm, giggling and then saying, 'hehe....my voice is a little bit SCRUBBY!'

20 May 2015

Life continues....

So, time has flown since the last time I blogged.  I had an old friend come to stay from last Tuesday - we've just had the guest room painted 2 weeks ago, so Simon set up the bed on the day she arrived.  Then, next morning, he had to take it down again as the carpet-fitters were only able to come on Wednesday!  But they did a great job and Simon long-sufferingly put the bed *back* together Wednesday night.  The room itself is looking great.  I'll put up before/after pictures soon.

Krista was here til Friday afternoon, when she went over near Glasgow way to do some work.  Then she came back Monday afternoon and I took her to the airport early yesterday (Tuesday.)  

I need to figure out how to upload videos from my phone here....

Let's try this.

We have a cot-bed and a swinging bedside cradle, but we only borrowed a Moses basket for Felicity.  I felt that a little portable bed we could keep downstairs would be really useful, so I sourced one from faithful Gumtree!  This Moses basket has a rocking stand, and a removable washable cover - I couldn't believe the folks selling it were only asking £10.  Yes, please!  Bonus, Felicity had a lot of fun tucking in her animals and talking about her 'baby brother's bed.'

12 May 2015

I am writing this post to remind myself of this time when I have had - Time.  I woke up Monday morning feeling exhausted, crampy, achey, painful - basically there wasn't really a part of me that didn't hurt.  It was 4:30am and I couldn't go back to sleep.  After thinking for the next 3 hours, I wrote a letter to my bosses at work and my work colleagues explaining I was starting my maternity leave a little early.  The sense of anxiety about doing this has gradually decreased over the last 48 hours, especially after so many positive emails from staff and friends wishing me well.

Feel a bit 'role-less' at the moment as I'm not working and I am not even looking after Felicity full time.  We've already paid for all her childcare for May.  Makes me appreciate how much of my time is owned by my job!  I guess it's just as well that I do have so much more time as I'm walking and doing things so much more slowly!  I ran some errands yesterday morning while Felicity was at nursery (before coming home and having a good rest in the afternoon, I hasten to add!) and it was amazing to think: 'woah, I could do this next, or I could do this next, or I could go there....'  Shopping with a baby/toddler is limits your time and focuses you!  It was also weird as I didn't have to be anywhere at any given time - I kept catching myself looking at my watch thinking I must have forgotten something.

I know this is a golden season that will probably not be repeated for another 10+ years - at least.

So, I have had everyone telling me not to try to do too much - you need to rest (and I do) - don't feel guilty - just rest.

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Cute things F has said -

Monday I picked her up from nursery.  She was across the playground in the playhouse and she screamed when she saw me and came running.  'I was waiting for you!!'  And later in the car (because Simon had told me how excited she had been to be at nursery and seeing her friends in the morning) I said something like, 'I'm glad you were excited to be at nursery today.' and she answered back 'I was excited to see YOU.'  Awww...melt my heart.

Tuesday she started a lot of rhyming words - 'Mommy-bommy mommy-bommy' she was chanting when we woke up.
'Why are you calling me mommy-bommy?'
 'Because I LUV you very much!'
 awwww.....

I bought her a backpack that has reins on it for us to use when I'm on my crutches out of the house.  It has a picture of a Mommy and baby turtle on it. She saw it on the backseat of the car, gasped, and said - 'THAnk you for my backpack, mommy!'  And she's been pretending she's a 'tortoise' and the backpack is her shell.  She told me this morning when I was dressing her that I was the 'mommy-tortoise.'

Who needs reality TV?

9th May 2015

Highlights of this week:

Monday - the May Day holiday (thank you, archaic British seasonal holidays!) and no school.  Felicity and I went on a quest for carpet - and amazingly were able to order, get the surveyor out and arrange all the finances on the same day.  (It can sometimes take up to 2 weeks due to my work schedule and having to wait for appointments!)  Warehouse delivery will probably be next Thursday and hopefully installation on Friday.

Tuesday - Ron, the painter came early to start the repair/painting job in the study and guest room.  Teaching at the 'hardest' schools (as far as physical demands go at least) but much better now that I've stopped taking choir at lunchtimes and that my senior students are off on study leave.  Stopped off on my way home to pick up paint samples at B and Q (Ron brought color charts he could provide from), and got a cheeky box of Krispy Kreme donuts.

Wednesday - Went to the wrong school in the morning by mistake, but actually had a good day teaching.  Several students off and good to catch up with some of my colleagues at school.  One of my friends gave me a signed copy of some songs he wrote (he asked me about the range, difficulty, when he was writing them) as a leaving present.  After work, I took Felicity to explorers, where she spent most of the time enthralled by a craft project involving 2 paper cups, stickers and markers.  (They were making binoculars - the topic was 'God is a spirit, he doesn't have a body like men.'  'A spirit is an invisible being.')  Color on the walls really good!

Thursday - Ron's last day on the job and an inservice day for me (gratefully actually - a later morning start and just *sitting* most of the day.)  Also notable as it's the first time I've been eligible to vote here, which I did at my local primary school.  Oh, and the ante-natal physios were able to fit me into an afternoon appointment where they fitted me out with crutches and showed me how to use them.  I don't particularly like how *visible* they are, but it surprised me how much easier it was to walk with them. I didn't use them around the house much yesterday, but I suspect they will be really useful in the next couple of months going out.  I might need to get a backpack with reins for F finally though, as I cannot hold her hand while using them if we're on the street.

Friday - The start of my weekend!  I took F back to the mini-French class, where she settled a lot more quickly this week - probably because we've been listening to the CD in the car a lot.  'She asked to listen to 'coo coo bebe' ....'louder!'  'I can't hear it!'  Her accent is cute.  I think she's copying the rolled rs much better than I do.  Only two more weeks of this session, but I will probably try to do another one with her in the future as I feel like I've been learning something too.

At lunchtime we almost had a melt-down.  Felicity was being aggressive and kicking the table and screaming.  We were both tired.  I was making her lunch as this was going on and I asked her if what she was doing was naughty or good.  She said she was being naughty.  I asked her if she knows it's naughty, why is she doing it?  'Are you feeling upset?'  'Yes' she said 'I'm very very upset!'  'I don't think you're feeling naughty or upset' I countered 'I think you're feeling hungry.'  'Mommy, I'm hungry.'  'Yes, you're hungry, so here is your lunch and you eat it and you will feel better.'  And sure enough, in less than 5 minutes, we were back to our sweet selves.  Felicity doesn't eat when she's not hungry (a tendency I'm loathe to train out of her - I could learn from this trait!) but there are times when she crosses that hunger-border and she just *loses* it.  I was prepared to discipline yesterday if I had to, but I'm glad we were able to avert that crisis another way.

We have discovered Lambert the Sheepish Lion.  I found it on youtube last Saturday morning and we've been playing it 3-4 times a day since.  It's a good thing it's only 8 minutes long!  The only drawback is that after it's finished, F knows how to start different cartoons on youtube (and there's some pretty stupid stuff on youtube!)  So I've ordered the DVD I think it's on and we'll get it on a tablet where we can content-control!  It's so cute to watch her watching it - she laughs when Lambert tries to bleat and says 'he's got hiccups!' and she tries to sing the song, but she doesn't remember all of the words yet.

Then, F went down for a nap and actually slept for an hour and a half!  Normally, I'd stay up and get housework/reading/whatever done, but I went straight to bed and had a good sleep as well.  She has such a good color when she wakes up in the morning and after a nap.  Later, G and S came over and the girls played and we chatted, mostly about the election.

Today we are pretty relaxed.  Simon is going over the K's house to work on some app stuff and I have a friend coming over for a cuppa while he's out.  Hopefully we can get some errands run this afternoon and just have some family chill out time.

1 May 2015

Writing about a busy day (yesterday) on a very quiet day.

8:20am- taking Simon to work
until 9:15am - Holyrood park tidying out the car and then walking to see the swans/ducks/pigeons (pictures below

Can you see the happy pigeon-scaring shreeeiking?

Mom- she's holding the pink elephant here.  She's been calling it 'Mommy-elephant' and gave me a voluntary detailed verbal description of it in the car yesterday.  'She is pink and has eyelashes.'

A bit colder than I expected yesterday morning, but at least it wasn't raining.

She was animatedly speaking to the 'cheeky swans.'

9:15-10am - drove to Portobello and strolled slowly on the Promenade.  F was fascinated by a sidewalk mosaic, dog poo, the waves, an airplane flying overhead, several dogs, several bicyclists, and 3 side-walk rides (Peppa Pig, Lady and tramp and a hot-air balloon respectively).

10am - went to our first Mini-French class.  Sang cute french nursery-type songs for 45 min. The teacher had props and actions for the kids to play with and do.  Not having any french myself, I left feeling like my brain was in knots!  We are listening to the CD every day.  F started saying 'coo coo Abigail, coo coo' after singing the song a few more times driving in the car.  She likes Alouette and le petite poissons the best too.

11:00- Had some time to kill before another errand, so drove to an assisted/automatic car-wash.  F fascinated by the brushes and the noise.

F hungry and asking for bananas.  Drove to Weatherspoons in Musselburgh for hot dogs (was hoping for fish and chips myself but they weren't serving them until noon).  Probably will never go to that location again, to be honest.  It was busy and about 90% of their clientele were pint-quaffing, grey-haired men who stared curiously at my swollen belly and bright pink toddler.  But I had waited in traffic to get there, we'd crossed a busy road from our car parking space and there wasn't another place to eat close by.

F then insisted on sitting at one of the only available tables - it was so tall it had *bar stools* to sit around it.  Oi weh.  I looked at them and mentally girded up my loins.  I was frightened of her falling over backwards while I ordered at the bar, so I made her come with me to the tills even though they were only about 5 ft away from our table - only to have her run back while I was queueing.  She was trying to climb back up to her perch precariously - a nice old gent (looking over for my approval first, I add to say) lifted her back in place, but I spent the next 5 minutes as if  had a twitch - looking back over at her to make sure she was still vertical.  Fortunately, no toys were dropped from our lofty plateau once I managed to scale the heights of the bar stool, arrange room for my ample tummy *and* still have one foot on F's chair to keep her from kicking herself over.

Then we climbed two flights of stairs to get to their ladies toilet.  (See my previous post on SPD.)  Oi!  And I was equally elated and terrified as F sang 'Rejoice in the Lord Always and again I say Rejoice' loudly all the way back down while we were followed by two hefty tattooed guys taller than myself.  (Who scooted around us as soon as we were clear of the stairs and did *not* hold the front door open for us when they went out in front of us.)

So - 12:45pm- back in the car from our adventures.  Went to the service station in Musselburgh and vacuumed out the car uphoslery.  The car is my mobile office.  It's also becoming my legs at the end of this pregnancy.  You'd never guess by the normal state of the car, but it really does bug me when it's messy and grimy.

until 1:30 - drove down south to Newtongrange where I was picking up a gumtree purchase.  Second-hand baby equipment - just trying to get all my ducks in a row in plenty of time.  The lady said she'd be out until 1:30pm, so as F had fallen asleep on the highway (no wonder after the action-packed morning) I sat and killed some time on my phone until then.

until 2:20pm - driving back to the city, detour through McDs for cold drinks as really thirsty, F usually wakes up hungry/thirsty (and grumpy until she gets something to drink) and I didn't want to leave the car while she was sleeping.  I wish there were more drive-thrus here.  Though, the McD's 'frozen strawberry lemonade' was a distinct disappointment.  Nothing gets close to a Sonic cherry limeade over here - anyone from the States want to open a Sonic franchise in Edinburgh??  (Actually, there's probably some pretty freaky chemicals in Sonic food that would be automatically banned by the EU food administration.  I'm surprised they're allowed to sell Skippy PB with all the partially-hydrogenated junk in it here at Tesco....granted for ridiculously extortionate import prices - which is probably just as well as I would probably buy it and have really unhealthy PB if it wasn't so ridiculously expensive.... lol very logical of me, eh?)

until 5pm - drove to R's house and played with G and A while chatting to R.  Her neighbor dropped in as well in the afternoon and it was nice to catch up and chat.  G had a toy microphone that sang the chorus of 'Let it Go' but only up to the words 'Here I stand!.... ..... ........'  (no resolution - ack!)  When F found it she hardly put it down for like an hour and a half.....  She was even singing along and gesticulating with her whole arms, turning dramatically around the room.  Of course, she stops if she thinks anyone is watching her, but as R and I were very happy chatting, she kept this adorable behavior up as long as we 'ignored' her!

5pm - drove up to Waterloo Place and met Si half-way home from work.  All home by 5:30pm is a good thing on a Friday evening.  S made toad in the hole for dinner and F liked it!  Score.  We're getting used to the pattern of dinner in the kitchen and she has to at least try one bite of anything that she is served before she can have anything else.  (She sometimes eats so little, I've never had hesitations about feeding her whatever she asks for within reason, but she's old enough now to participate in real dinner by trying whatever we're having - and she usually keeps going once she's started.)

Sooo tired.  Got F into bed (granted, without a bath which she probably needed) by about 8:15pm.  So much pain, despite taking co-codemol around the clock yesterday.  Hot bath, watching Hercules (ha - and the lame animated Disney version at that!) and waiting for sleep as a temporary welcome obliviousness.  I started saying things like, 'I don't want to be myself right now - can I be someone else for a while instead?  Want to switch places?' to Simon last night and it was only after about half an hour of stumbling around trying to distract myself that the more rational side of my brain piped up - 'What are you doing?  Why don't you just freakin' go to sleep?!?'  lol,

SOoooo - good, busy day.  And very nice when days like that are followed by days like this where it is now 11:30am and I have been free to write all of this while sitting very still in my sunny living room armchair with a cup of tea at my elbow.  (That Simon even brought me - I'm so spoiled!! Hmmm, which has now gone cold....and I haven't heard F in a while.....I should remedy these situations......)  

Congratulations if you made it to the end of this very unedited, stream-of-consciousness blog post!

1 May 2015

Just read a New York Times article touting the 'new trend' of people choosing to remain childless -'child-free living.'  The tone of the article depressed me.  It painted a picture of 'consumer-driven, competitive' parenting.  It was defensive - 'child-free by choice' seems to be accused of being 'selfish' - it was aggressive - accusing parents of just being selfish and self-absorbed in a different way - assuming everything and everyone has to kow-tow to the whims of them and their children.  It was hostile to families.  'The only thing I hate more than children' one quote said, 'is parents.'  It portrayed families as the enemy to a new social demographic.  It was anti-child - portraying abortion as a normal, if not routine, birth control method.

The thing I found most disturbing though was that while these hostile undercurrents flowed through the article, the people being interviewed took a higher-ground position when observing parenting and child-rearing,  While having no practical experience, and obviously no desire for practical experience of parenting, they were placing themselves in a position to adjudicate the value of children/parenting, and seeming to demand the right to be involved in other people's children.  'I'd be a lousy mom, but I'd be a great aunt or friend to a mom.'  (Implying that the person actually is not an aunt or currently friends with any moms, but feels her benevolent influence would benefit a niece/nephew/mother.')

It bothers me that 'child-free-by-choice' people, who by definition of not investing themselves in the real work of parenting, are the people who will cultivate opportunities to be the politicians, the medics, the professors, the teachers, the self-styled 'parenting experts' in the future.

I'm not arguing with people's rights to make their own choices.  If someone knows they don't want children - good for them.  I don't even really mind if someone feels hostile towards me for 1) wanting kids 2) having kids 3) inflicting my kids on an unsuspecting-and-otherwise-peaceful-world (think:grocery store tantrums anyone?)  I'm able to take a few dirty looks and usually apologize for the short-lived inconvenience on their eardrums.  Live and let live.

The problem will happen as moms and the skills they develop while raising their crazy kids are marginalized and devalued by society, the work-force, the universities, in favor of the non-moms who have these deep-rooted prejudices.  When motherhood is relegated to the shallow pursuit of 'keeping up with the Jones' and child-free living is seen the new cultural 'enlightenment' of the intellectual who assume they know what's best for the rest of society as well.  Will the 'experts' leave the child-rearing to the parents?  I doubt it.

So, live your life without kids by all means.  Just don't also claim to be an expert on parenting or children. And certainly don't expect or demand access and influence over my kids.

Reading over this, I feel I should also say that I have many friends without children at the moment who are amazing with kids and we would be poorer as a family without them!  I object to the tone of disrespect towards traditional families and the hypocrisy of demanding influence/authority over children while despising the choices of their parents.