31 December 2015

Sleep, glorious Sleep!

So the past two nights have been better.  Nowhere near going through the night yet, but at least I've really been able to switch off and konk out, as opposed to just dozing between fussing babies, waking toddlers, etc.

Yesterday we went to Holyrood Palace.  It's very much like any other grand country house you could visit, though definately smaller than the likes of Chatsworth and Castle Howard.  Very homely feeling though and crawling with guides *everywhere*!  My favorite thing was seeing the views to Holyrood Park out the back windows.  Felicity's favorite thing was rolling on the lush red carpets in the throne room and grand gallery.  Oh yes, and splashing in the gravel and puddles out back in the Holyrood Abbey - she played on the rock-bed remains of one of the pillars (basically now like 5-6 stones sitting on the ground) for almost 15 minutes.  Our tickets are good for a year, so I'll probably take the kiddos back and try to listen to more of the audio commentary when it's not quite so busy.

The spaceship bouncer

Felicity made her own bouncer out of a cushion and a plastic box

Very busy

5 and a half months old

Aaaannnd....he's adorable

Happy boy!

Christmas morning!

Opening the stockings after breakfast

Moving too fast for a proper picture of the Elsa dress....

Thanks for the socks, Jean!

Totally crashed enroute to Simon's parents

And the train track that lasted all afternoon....

Titus was fascinated by the moving train (and thanks for the socks for him too, Jean!)

27 December 2015

Spoke too soon about being out of the woods with Titus.  Turns out he only went down so easy because he was *really ill.*  He woke up to dream feed about 11pm last night and I was shocked at how hot he was.  The thermometer under his arm said 39.5/39.6*C (103/104*F) and it was still high after we gave him paracetamol.  And he was all floppy and his eyes weren't focusing and his breathing was starting to sound labored and intermittent. And it freaked me out enough to pack him up to the Sick Kids emergency room where the nurses took his vital signs and sure enough, his heart was racing at 220-240 bpm.  They weighed him up and gave him as big a dose of IBprofin as his weight would allow, but it still took over an hour for the temperature to come down completely.  Then I sat holding him with a pee-cup balanced on my knee trying to get a urine sample for another 2 hours.....  unsuccessfully, I'm afraid!  But by then, he had had a good drink, had smiled and cooed and generally flirted with everyone coming in the room, and fallen asleep again exhausted.

I think because Felicity is so so fair-colored, I haven't appreciated how light and fair Titus also is.  The (flurescent?) lights they use at the A and E show up every variation of color on the skin - I was able to see all the blood vessels and scarring on the back of my hands too - but after the flush of the fever left him, he was scary pale and clammy with poor little blue dark circles under his eyes.  How is it possible to love someone so much when you've only known them such a short time?

I got home about 4:15am in the end and unfortunately, Felicity woke up and needed settled back to sleep, but I was finally falling asleep myself by about 5:30am.  Whew.  Bless his heart, Simon hadn't slept while we were away either and he managed to contain Felicity on his side of the bed and then took her down to give her breakfast when she woke up for good at 7am-ish.  I dozed a while and then got up at 9:30am.  We called for reinforcements and Felicity went off to spend the afternoon with a friend so we had a chance to go back to sleep with the baby for a while this afternoon.

Titus was running another fever this morning, but it came down quickly after medicine.  He's delicate - been startling quite a lot and I've been trying to move him slowly and keep my hands on him as I think he's just got that kinda flu-ey, achey body.  After the fever dropped, he's been clammy and cold this afternoon again.  Much more responsive though and still eating well.  So I think we're going to give him a bath and try to have an early night of it for everyone.  Hopefully tonight will be a better one for sleep.

Mixed feelings about today as the weather was truly gorgeous - clear skies and sunshine.  On the one hand, we would have been a lot more miserable cooped up at home looking at the rain, but on the other, I hope we get another few days like today once we're all feeling better again.

I had a crazy idea to take a last-minute train down to York tomorrow, but I think that will have to wait for another time.

26th December 2015

Happy Boxing Day, y'all!

So I haven't had another 4.5 hour stretch of sleep since I last posted.  Poor Titus came down with brochilitius (sp?) and has been pretty miserable for the last week.  But he must be getting better because this is the first night in ages Ive been able to just lay him down in his bed once he's fallen asleep.  (*fingers crossed*)  I've been having to rock him/hold him/lie him next to me for the last week for him to sleep.  Poor bubba.  I do feel a bit under house arrest after 7/8pm when he's so tired and miserable and clingy, but on the other hand, how long will he stay a baby and need this?  

But so much for the excuses for the lack of blog posts!

I do wish I had been blogging because the last several days have been so fast and sweet.  Simon has these two weeks for Christmas off work and in between dealing with sick kiddos, etc., it's been so special.  This Christmas felt like a real Christmas - we had cinnamon rolls and finished the cut-out manger scene in the morning and talked about 'why were there Kings?  Who told the shepherds?  Is it normal to find a baby in the manger?...' etc., etc.  Our coffee machine (bean to cup, mutual Christmas present to eachother) is *brilliant* and I had about 3 lattes yesterday alone.  Felicity was excited about opening her presents here, but not so 'gimmee, gimmee' that she wasn't just as excited about exploring and playing and opening each toy as she unwrapped it.  I felt like we had a good balance of crafting stuff (the 'consumable' stuff that is always useful and you can't have too much of), clothes (dress up Frozen Elsa costume, anyone?) and games/books.  I guess gift-wise, I would rather be given something I know I have a place for - because if you have to invent a new place for something, chances are you don't probably need it!  I was delighted when my stocking was full of *stationary* - pens, highlighters, pencils, pencil case, sharpener, post-it notes, etc.!  (Yes, I did ask for stationary.)  It is always useful and you can't have too much of it (especially the way that I lose pencils and pens at work.)

We had a lovely cosy time in the morning in our pajamas with a fire in the fireplace and coffee and happy kids.  

In the afternoon we went over to Si's parents' house and the highlight was opening all the train set.  Simon and I decided to buy Felicity some Brio railway things when we saw how much she liked it at Sophie's house.  Simon's parents bought her a couple of supplementary tracks/trains.  She had a great time making a huge track around the livingroom, while Titus bounced and watched the train go round and round and round.  She was asking for the train again today and has done another really good job of putting it all together her way and linking up all the train carriages.  (Hours of fun!)

She and Titus have been super sweet the last few days.  It's nice to have Simon around at home.  I have a to-do list as long as my arm, but it's been good to have a break the last couple of days.

I've been reading some good books lately.  Robin Hobb's Assassin's Trilogy based around her fantasy world of the 6 Duchies.  They are really captivating books - better than watching a film.  I finished the second book today - it was 740 some-odd pages - I think I've been reading it for 3/4 days (but I took a break yesterday for Christmas).  I am looking forward to reading the third - Assassin's Quest.  It links up with 2 other trilogies she has written about the same characters - I have read those recently and it is fascinating to go back and read the 'prequel' about the characters I have grown to love.  I feel like I know them.  I read that Robin Hobb lives in the north of Alaska (?) worked on fishing boats and raised her family before writing the internationally best-selling Farseer books.  She sounds like she would be a fun next-door neighbor.

The other, completely different, book I've been dipping into is called 'What Color is your Parachute?' and it's all about job-searching and career-finding.  As I've been reading it, I've thought of easily 4-5 people who would benefit from his advice on the job-hunt.  I'm reading a copy from 2005 I borrowed from the library, but I saw that he updates the advice yearly.  I might look into finding the most current version as a reference guide after I skim a few more of the chapters in the book I am in.

The other book that's been sitting splayed-out, spine up, pages down on the side table next to my livingroom chair is 'A Poem A Day.'  Also borrowed (and renewed about twice already!) from the library.  I think I've made it to April 6th or something.  Some of the poems are very well known and I've read them many times before, but there's a good variety of new finds.  I like it because the editor has added some interesting tid-bits about each poet's life or work, as well as their dates, which helps frame the poetry in a historical context.  I love how a good poem makes you *see* things, especially in ordinary subjects you can relate to.  I have a new appreciation for the music in Gerard Manly Hopkins' work having read a few interspersed poems.  I have almost memorized Jabberwocky thanks to this book ('Come to My Arms, my Beamish Boy!') and Shakespeare takes my breath away.  While Felicity plays on the livingroom floor and I'm 'stuck' nursing Titus, I've been occasionally reading the poems out loud to appreciate the flow of the words.  I think I've caught Felicity listening a time or two as well......(I hope!)

I've been making a 'bucket list' of things I'd like to do in Edinburgh/Scotland that I haven't yet.  So far, I've come up with:

Holyrood Palace (! yes, I know!)

Afternoon tea or dinner at The Dome

Frequenting live music (esp fiddling?) in a pub, say

The International Harp Festival (heads up, I think it's every April?)

Starfish harps workshop

Visit Skye again (in summer, obviously)

The Islands of Aaron, Mull, Iona, Staffa (Fingal's Cave)

Scottish Seabird Centre

..... to be continued.......

I need to high-jack Simon's phone as he got most of the good pictures from yesterday.....

 

16th December 2015

Adequate

So yesterday the valuator came to the house 'sometime between 10 and noon.'  Monday I worked like a dog cleaning up the (frankly embarrassing) diningroom which has been our cats' room since before Titus was born.  I was shattered (and it was another rough night getting up with the kids) and I overslept.  Sooooo... I woke up up Tuesday morning (late) and thought - oh no, the rest of the house needs to be clean before 10am!!

There's nothing like a deadline to motivate.  I felt like a ninja.  'OK, it will take me 15 minutes to tidy both bedrooms and 15 minutes to vacuum.....yes.  10 minutes for cleaning the bathroom - GO!.....9:40am - do I do the dishes, clean the porch stairs, organize the bathroom shelves, put away laundry or, wait a minute - change out of my pajamas?  Get dressed, then the stairs, *then* makeup (if theres time.)  We were ready by 10am (despite Felicity 'helping' and wetting her trousers at 9:55am.....) and no one came.....so I started on the 'clean-this-if-I-have-time' list  -- for almost 2 hours!  The guy finally came at 11:50am, by which time I was exhausted!

But the house is really really clean.  And I've been a bit OCD about putting things away and making everyone else put things away......I wonder how long I can *keep* it like this?  lol

The sleep training is going well, I think.  Titus has done 4 and 5 hour stretches at night the last 2/3 nights.  If only Felicity also stays asleep, we're on the right track.  Last night I gave up at 8:30 and went to bed as soon as Titus was settled.  So I got a good couple of hours before midnight (when he woke up to eat) and then a great stretch until almost 5am!  I want to record that here as hopefully the first of many nights of at least 4.5 hours of sleep!  

Felicity's nativity went really well on Sunday.  It was a busy day as I was playing violin with the music group, Simon was organizing the sound desk and technical set-up, and we also had a music rehearsal at the house before church.  I had wanted to make sure Felicity had a little rest before church, but it didn't happen.  She and Titus are troopers though and did so well, all things considered.  No, much to my chagrin, she didn't sing Silen Night with the other kids -- she actually turned her back to the congregation and *watched* the other kids sing..... but she looked real cute in her pony costume.  And Monday morning I heard her singing Silent Night to Titus in his crib and she said, 'Mommy, I'm singing Silent Night to Titus because I didn't sing it at church with the other kids.  Is that OKay, Mommy?  Do you like it, baby Titus?'  She's been wearing the cute black and white checked dress (the long sleeved one, mom, with the little embroidered flowers) with her black cotton tights and little black sequin-y shoes.  I haven't caught a picture yet, but I will.

I *almost* got the kiddos down for a nap at the same time today.  They were both quiet in their beds for about 3 minutes..... baby steps.....

Now that the house evaluation is done, there's paperwork and phone calls to catch up on.  :-)  Wish me luck!

12 December 2015

Saturday

Last night was another rough one where I seemed to see every hour of the night - Titus was up every 2 hours and Felicity was up (almost on the hour mark!) in the middle of those two hours gaps.  So at 7:30am, I ruthlessly kicked everyone out of my bedroom (poor Simon as well - take the baby - I need to sleep), turned up the bedwarmer full-whack (I get to sleep faster when I'm warm) and heartlessly napped for a further 2 hours.  (Sorry-not-sorry...)  I emerged feeling newborn (it's sad when just 2 solid hours of sleep makes you feel like superwoman) and the whole day has gone much better as a result.  I had woken up because I thought I heard Titus crying - but when I came down, he was a happy little fellow - Felicity was playing with her zoo animals on the livingroom floor.  She then skipped up to the kitchen to show me all the painting and cutting that she and Simon had been doing while I was asleep.

And there was coffee......

It hit me this morning (after I woke up) that a surveyor is coming over sometime Tuesday to revalue our house (for remortgaging purposes after we had the loft conversion done.)  I don't think we need to do a 'property brothers' make-over before the visit, but it will help if the house is at least tidy, clean and presentable.  Oi vey.  I walked from room to room this morning, trying not to panic at the kid/Christmas/life-in-general carnage.

But I got the study and front guest room mostly tidy and the kitchen and laundry room aren't bad.  The livingroom will be easy to pull together.  Upstairs...hmmm.  How much stuff can I stuff under my bed out of the way?  (lol....like a teenager)  And the vacuum cleaner filters have needed cleaning for ages, so it all needs a good vacuum too.  But Simon did that tonight, so I can look forward to vacuuming the stairs and bedrooms tomorrow morning (at more sociable hours for the neighbors.)  And I'll put away all the laundry and hopefully clean the bathrooms before I go to bed tonight.  And then tomorrow we'll go out and get some ceiling paint to touch up the areas that have gotten stained from the roof leaks.  (The bank is more interested in the bricks and mortar of the house for purposes of remortgaging and we *dont* want it to show that we've had roof problems lately, even though we've obviously already gotten the roof fixed.)  And I'd like to go out and pick up the backyard while Simon's home to keep an eye on the kiddos inside.

The tricky thing is that tomorrow is also the church's nativity service and we're quite heavily involved in the afternoon.  It'll be great!  Always a good time.  Felicity's dressing up like a horse.  Titus will be a little fluffy bunny rabbit.  I'm playing fiddle and Simon's on the sound desk.  And we have a music rehearsal beforehand which will be nice to hang out with friends at.  Just less time for house chores.  (ha!  I'd much rather be at church than doing chores at home...)

  This has been more of a to-do list than a blog post.  But you can tell a lot about someone from their to-do lists!

My brain has been very busy with loads of other ideas and plans....some concerns.  It feels like a time of big transitions, even while everyday life here continues apace.  I feel like I have choices to make in the next few months/year that will make big impacts on the direction of how my life goes.  (Sorry, that's so teenage/angst-y to be almost cliche.)  I'm trying to sort out information and ideas to make good decisions while life seems to move so fast (hence the going-to-bed-later-than-is-really-good-for-me....after the kiddos are asleep is my thinking and processing (and cleaning) time.)

Some cute things Felicity has said - Friday I told her that my friend Michelle was coming over to have some coffee and 'talk about taxes.'  She cracked up and said, 'Taxes?  that's a funny place!' and I laughed and said 'No...taxes are money we give to the government.' and she cracked up again and said....'Well, that's a silly thing to do!  Funny Mommy!'  (LOL! and we both cracked up after that)

We maxed out my library card on Friday morning and I was about to leave several books when the librarian told me Felicity could have a children's card and have her *own* 12 books to check out.  (Woah! More books?  Oh yeah...)  You should have seen her face when I asked her if she wanted her own card.  lol  Her eyes went ginormous, she stuck out her tongue in a kind of excited-puppy-dog-when-it-pants-kinda-way, and nodded wordlessly....words failed her.  And I told her as we left...woah...you've got a library card (in my wallet, I hasten to add)....not even your Daddy has his own library card!
'Awwwww...' she said (surprising me with real sadness in her voice), 'I will share my card with my Daddy because he don't have any card at all.'

We visited Sophie this afternoon and I took Titus and the girls up to the shopping mall for a wee bit.  They were so excited by the christmas decorations!  And being together!  And AHHHH!  lol  The only time they disagreed was when Felicity told Sophie 'there is only one Elsa and I am Elsa.'  and Sophie said 'there is only one Anna and I am Anna.'  And Felicity immediately starts running away from Sophie....'Felicity!  Wait!  I am your friend Felicity!  Come back!'  and Felicity keeps dodging away (um, until Mommy intervenes and makes her hold onto Titus' pram)  'But Elsa *does* run away from Anna, Mommy.  I'm just playing Elsa.'  'Well.  She runs away in the beginning, but at the end of the movie, they are together ice-skating.  You can play Elsa at the end of the movie.  Not Elsa at the beginning of the movie.' And there was no more discussion or running away after that.  (Ha!  Go me and my ridiculous knowledge of Disney story-plots!  One for Mommy!)

Okay, I've written longer than I planned to.  I should go hit the laundry piles.  Wish me luck!

10 December 2015

A surprisingly good day.

Last night was the worst in a long time.  I think I got 2 hours sleep, then up for almost an hour, maybe another hour and 15 minutes after that.....and then it was morning.  *face hits pillow in despair*

(I've really got to get Titus sleeping at night.  I know he can do it.  I'm chronically sleep deprived and I know it isn't healthy.  Pray for this new schedule I'm trying to introduce.....)

I climbed back into bed for 5 minutes after getting the kids breakfasted and dressed and wondered (while the dynamite bundle of toddler energy bounced on my duvet-ed carcass...) how I was going to make it through the day.  I had a chiropractic appointment all the way across town, an arms-length-long list for Costco and (worse) Simon's work night out was tonight so he wasn't going to be coming home in between during what I like to call 'Crazy hour.'

We dropped Simon off at work.

I drove to costco via corner shop (for lucozade and paracetamol - ugh, fatigue headache.)

But Felicity was so sweet and obedient today.  We got to Costco just when it opened (Titus in the sling, leaving me hands-free to push the buggy and load it up!) so it was really quiet and Felicity played her 'run to the end of the aisle and then run back' game.  Poor kiddo - been too cold for her to run around much outside lately - I was almost glad of the warehouse of space to let her work off her energy.

And then, just as I was getting ready to go, I bump into a friend who happens to be leaving about the same time.  And she helps me unload the cart onto the conveyor belt and even put things back in the trolley afterwards - which is the hardest part of the shop when I'm also trying to keep an eye on Miss Personality at the checkouts.

And then, we made the chiropractor's office slightly more interesting with our presence.  But Gina fixed my rolled-up ribs again (nearly cried in relief and exhaustion) and Felicity and I read The Jungle Book in the waiting room (the old disney books like we had at Grandmother and Grandaddy's house) and Felicity gave me some water from the cooler, 'I will get you some water and then your back will be better, Mommy...'  (I've learned to sit for 5-10 minutes after getting adjusted before loading kids/carseats/buggy in the car again.)  And Gina held Titus so sweetly while I got my shoes on and the receptionist and I sang 'I wanna be like You-oo-oo' after I finished the jungle book. lol

Then the kiddos crashed in the car on the way back to Leith (peace and quiet!) and I took recycling/junk in the car to the tip while they slept.

Then arriving home, my next door neighbor was out front and she helped me unload all the shopping into the house in the blowing, pouring rain when the kids woke up screaming and crying.  Bless her heart.  

Then, Felicity, Titus and I settled down and everyone had milk (even me technically, if you count it in my coffee) while watching selected parts of the Hobbit movie #2.  Felicity doesn't usually like what I chose, but she was fascinated at first and I was commenting/orientating her around the characters etc.  Then we watched Jungle Book 2 (again.)  

And I got the kiddos bathed after dinner and everyone was in bed early!

and I've had a cup of tea and some creative time to myself now while the Beatles playlist keeps me company so I'm feeling much calmer about life in general.  (Looking up tax stuff last night as well and feeling edgy about things I thought were a non-issue {and might still be a non-issue}, but can't quite make heads or tails of the things I've read in the limited time I've had to read them - but that's another post for another time.)

Thank you God, for letting me be around so many *kind* people today when I was feeling so fragile.

Please give us a better night's sleep tonight.  Amen.

7th December 2015

And I blink and it's December!

It's been a good weekend.  Simon had some extra days off work so he was home Friday and Monday.  Our car's been in the shop all last week and was finally ready and returned today.  It's been novel not using the car -feels like longer than a week, but that's just because it's a change.  I actually enjoyed not having it at times!  Friday and Saturday poured it down on us (roof leaked and I freaked out Saturday morning - fixed now and the room is dry again after having the fan on 36+hours!) but it was also nice to have a good excuse to just hunker down and hibernate.

Today after we picked up Felicity from nursery, we took her up to town to ride the carousel.  She loved it and was so excited!  Couldn't have asked for better weather or a better time.  We made it up there and back before school was out, so though there will *always* be people up in town (especially on the first relatively sunny day after a week of rain!), it was quieter without all the school kids.  Fairly calm and some great sunlight on the beautiful architecture.  I had my steak and 'bratkartoffeln' from the German market (yey! yum!) and Felicty enjoyed her freshly made dounuts too.  We wandered into the art gallery for a while too.  I was just going to use it for the lift as an easy way down to the lower gardens with Titus' buggy, but F remembered being there and wanted to show Simon all the 'pictures!!'  She was very cute.

She is being a horse in the nativity play at church next week.  *note to self take pictures when I get a chance*

Titus is 22 weeks tomorrow!  We went to a weaning class held by the health visitors last week that said that it's recommended to start offering food from 26 weeks (6 months.)  He's growing and eating more often right now, I'm tempted to try him with a wee bit of baby rice right now, but I guess he'll keep.  He is a sugar-coated sweetie-pie.  I can't get enough of my silly boy.  Sometimes he starts laughing, just to get my attention and then *GRINS* like he just can't contain how excited he is that I'm *looking* at him.  We laughed at eachother all across the Links today as we walked to pick up Felicity - so cute!  He likes kisses - if he's upset and I start kissing across his face and cheeks, he stops and closes his eyes and relaxes.  If he's happy and I do the same, sometimes he starts giggling.

Tomorrow I'm donating some furniture (the old TV cabinet and hopefully the arm-chair from the front guest room - if they'll take it!), taking Felicity to nursery, picking up some brio railway toys (*shhh...Christmas present secret!), and hopefully getting some Christmas presents wrapped up.

Where does the time go?  I've an ever evolving to-do list and I've just remembered about 3 more things I need to add to it.

There was a meeting last week for work that I decided I had to go to.  It was fairly depressing, but I've gotten over the gloom of it by now.  But it did make me aware that times are changing here and nothing is certain about my job.  That probably ought to scare me, but instead I feel strangely excited by it.  I'm keeping my job as long as it is there for me because I genuinely love my teaching, but I'm also thinking ahead strategically about what I want to do next.  What sort of work could I realistically set myself up for that would be 1) flexible around childcare/set my own hours 2)portable (out of Edinburgh/or even the UK for that matter?) 3)pay better - not because I want to be wealthier, but because I would like to work less for the same amount 4)allow me to train/enter training (if necessary) with my current undergraduate degree.  I've realized very much recently that my personality is weird - I'm happiest when I am fixing something and working towards a big dream.  What dream should I choose next?

We've decided to enroll Felicity in the gaelic nursery for next year.  Maybe I'll blog about that next time.  It's coming up for 11pm and I hear Titus ooching to be fed (again) I think.

Wish me luck tonight!